


can't find my way home.

by ophelias_ink



Series: mom: we have unholyverse at home. unholyverse: [3]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Catholic Guilt, M/M, Pining, Self-Harm, Unholyverse, mentions of drug abuse, religious trauma, sibling relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27425932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ophelias_ink/pseuds/ophelias_ink
Summary: “I know, I know. I can tell you anything.” Except he couldn’t. There were some things he couldn’t bear to speak to Gerard about. And while he felt guilty about that, Mikey was sure things were better this way. Like, what good would it do to tell him that he was still struggling to get over Frank. Which was stupid too, because it wasn’t even like Gerard could be with him. He swallowed thickly - trying to avoid pushing himself back into that mindset. He didn’t want to think about Frank right now.“Then why don’t you?”
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Mikey Way (One-Sided), Gerard Way & Mikey Way, Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Series: mom: we have unholyverse at home. unholyverse: [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1962781
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	can't find my way home.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, whew! 
> 
> ok first of all - a huuuuge thank u to user raynon for all of your help with all of this. seriously. i don't think i would've even written this fic without you, let alone finish it. also - major thanks to you for letting me steal your ideas and include this work in your uhv series. if you haven't read [Lying by Omission](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26900263) and [Witness ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27190975) yet, you have to read those first!!! not only because they are amazing, but they canonically take place before this fic. 
> 
> second thank you is to the mysterious bexless for giving us the original uhv and giving me the passion & excitement about fanfic again allowing me to write this beast of a one-shot. 
> 
> hope you enjoy!

“Canada? Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Gerard grimaced at the immediate response. He didn’t expect Frank to be happy about it (when was he ever happy about the missions the Cardinal gave them?) - but he at least hoped he wouldn’t harp the thing down before they even got started. He pursed his lips. “It is a long drive,” Gerard conceded. 

“I mean…” Bob started, then stopped. “Well, wait… Where in Canada are we talking?” They weren’t too far from Seattle now. And Seattle wasn’t too far from Vancouver. 

“Toronto… ish. The Cardinal said it’s about a two hours drive from Toronto.” Gerard explained. “It’s… A school.” 

Frank piped up again then. “What? A fucking seminary?” Irritation was laced in his voice, and it made Gerard grit his teeth. He didn’t want a fight right now. Not when they had that long trip ahead of them. 

“It’s a girls school. A private school.” Gerard clarified, which didn’t do him any better. Frank groaned, pushing his head into his hands. Gerard watched as Mikey’s hand came up, coming to rest between Frank’s shoulder blades. He watched Ray watch Mikey. He watched Brian pull out his phone, undoubtedly pulling up a GPS to get started on their trip to Toronto. He craned his head, watching Bob get comfortable in his seat before Brian started to drive.  
  
Gerard wished they could swap places. The back of the van was always a little too crowded. 

“So, what’s going on?” Mikey asked. Breaking the thin blanket of silence that had briefly covered the vehicle. “Like, at the school?” He shared a look with Gerard. That special twinkle that only rested in Mikey’s eye made Gerard think, even if only for a moment, he might know more than he was letting on. 

“I don’t know.” It was true. Gerard didn’t know the details. “The priest in charge of the school has been… investigating, but I suppose he needs our help.”  
  
“Must be serious, then.” Ray added. Gerard nodded. 

“Very serious.”

“Guess we should hurry then.” Brian noted, sparing a glance into the backseat through the rearview mirror. Frank was still staring pointedly at the ground. “We got about a 40 hour drive to Toronto… And then however long after that. I’ll take the first shift. I think we should drive straight through. What do you think, Father?” 

Gerard thought _yes._

* * *

They set themselves up in pairs. A driver and a navigator, who would switch for their second shift. By default, the first pair became Brian and Bob. Followed up by Frank and Ray. And lastly, Mikey and Gerard. 

It was the middle of the night by the time Gerard found himself behind the wheel. The other four curled together in the back. The sounds of the Red Hot Chilli Peppers playing quietly over the radio, mixing in with the soft sounds of Bob snoring in the back. Mikey watched the car traveling on his phone, and Gerard knew then he’d be taking both of their driving trips. Mikey didn’t like driving. He never had. 

In the quiet, Gerard remembered when Mikey had turned 16. He was 19 at the time, and while it wasn’t exactly _legal_ but Gerard had taken him out in their mothers car, late in the night at a Home Depot parking lot. He got Mikey into the driver's seat, he showed him how to change the gears, which pedal did what and then, he told him to _go._

And he didn’t. 

Mikey held his foot on the gas. His hands at 10 and 2. The car shifted into drive. And yet, they weren’t moving. 

“Mikey?” Gerard asked. “It’s okay. There’s no one here.” 

“I know.” His response was flat. “I know but-” His lips pushed together into a line, his gaze stuck ahead. There was a certain fear in his eyes. One that Gerard had never noted about his brother, and now, he found himself with a bubbling of guilt. _He wasn’t ready for this._

“Mikey, it’s okay.” He assured. “Driving isn’t easy. It’s okay if you’re not ready for this-” The car lurched into motion then. A hard push forward to which Mikey immediately slammed the breaks. Gerard’s hands caught him on the dashboard, a quickened pace in his chest leading to him pulling his seatbelt on. “Shit, are you okay?” 

The question tumbled out of Mikey’s lips at the same time - both of his feet now pulled away from the pedals as he stared back at Gerard. A beat passed between them, before Gerard let out a laugh. 

Mikey frowned towards him. “It’s not funny!” He snapped. Gerard bit his lip, holding back the laughter still building up in his throat. The inescapable smiling tugging up at his lips. Then, Mikey broke. A laugh jumping out of him, with cheeks red and a twinkle of shock still lingering, he laughed. The sound was warm. Gerard laughed with him. 

“What are you laughing at?” Mikey asked, and Gerard was back in the driver's seat. Mikey wasn’t the kid who was too afraid to put his feet on the pedals anymore. 

“Nothing.” Gerard answered, utterly unconvincing. 

“Is there something in my hair?” Mikey popped down the mirror - squinting at himself in the low light as he adjusted his bangs. Gerard let out another laugh. “Seriously dude, what the hell?” 

“I said it’s nothing, Mikey just - Hey, is there anywhere we can pull over? We can grab some snacks, maybe some… Cheetos and Jujubes?” 

Mikey stilled a moment, eyes wide as he shot a glance towards their friends in the back. 

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” Gerard added. 

“I’m in.” 

* * *

He should’ve been used to the strange looks Gerard got by now. Surely, the truck stop attendants weren’t used to seeing a priest showing up at four in the morning to buy some Cheetos, Jujubes, and sodas. And yet, there Gerard was, chatting idly with the woman at the counter while he made the purchase. Mikey was standing dutifully just outside the shop watching the van. One hand tucked into his pocket while the other held a cigarette to his lips. His fingertips turned red from the cool morning air. 

“Ready to go?” He heard Gerard ask. Mikey flicked out his ash and pressed the cigarette into the cement with his foot. 

“I can’t wait to get some food in me.” If their snack could qualify as _food._ Cheetos and Jujubes had been a must-have at the Way family movie nights growing up. At one point he and Gerard decided to combine the two, he couldn’t recall, but he knew the rest of their group would consider it to be _unholy._ They were quiet as they could be as they climbed back into the van, Mikey carefully watching over their friends as Gerard started up the engine. Frank stirred, his eyes threatening to open, before he cuddled back into Brian’s shoulder. The coast was clear.  
  
He was careful as he pulled open the bag, trying not to make a sound. What was less quiet was him shaking up the bag after pouring in the candy, making sure it got all mixed together. Then, he reached in, pulling out a handful. “Oh _fuck._ ” Mikey groaned. Although, it sounded more like _Awhfhuch._  
  
“Hey, man. Don’t forget to share.” Gerard reached over with one hand, his eyes still on the road as he took his own share. Salty, cheesy, and sweet. Perfect.  
  
Mikey grinned towards Gerard, feeling like a little kid again. Gerard had that effect on him. He always had. A strange way of making Mikey feel so _small._ No. No, not small. Young. Protected. Safe. He felt better with him, especially now. Traveling on the road, going to places where they could really make a difference in other people’s lives. And of course, they were with Mikey’s best friends. He pressed another mouthful of Cheetos and Jujubes in his mouth, glancing in the rearview mirror. The sun was threatening to peak up over the horizon ahead of them, and that soft glow of light illuminated the backseat. He saw Frank, still pressed up to Brian. His arms coiled around Brian’s middle in the way Mikey once wished Frank would hold him, and how he imagined Frank would like to hold Gerard. Something hot flashed through him then, and Mikey forced himself to look away. To look towards the sun. He took a breath, swallowing heavily. Gerard was his best friend. Always would be. He made him feel good. He made him feel safe. He hated safety. 

“You okay?” 

And that was another thing Mikey hated. He couldn’t keep a single thing from Gerard. Every expression he made, every twitch of his lips, every shift in thought that ran through his mind - Gerard could see it. It wasn’t like the uncanny ability wasn’t mutual, but still, sometimes Mikey wanted to keep his thoughts to himself. “I’m just tired.” He answered - his voice slightly strained. 

Gerard didn’t push. But he did reach towards Mikey, pressing a faint squeeze onto his shoulder before taking another bite of the Cheetos mixture. “Just one more hour. Then Brian and Bob will be back on duty, and we can get some sleep.” He spoke it like a promise. Mikey let himself relax. 

And it turns out, the last hour wasn’t terrible. He hummed along with the music on the radio, watching the sun as it rose over the horizon - eventually lowering the shade to block it from his eyes. The clock hit 5:30am, which meant it was time for the switch. The van pushed along a few miles longer, before Gerard finally pulled it over. He leaned towards the back, pushing Brian’s shoulder gently. “Hey,” Gerard muttered in a low whisper. “Brian, it’s your turn.” 

Brian was groggy as he came too. Reaching over to give Bob a shove to wake him up. Ray stirred between them, blurry eyes blinking towards Mikey. Instinctively, Mikey reached towards his hair, giving a gentle tug before he was slipping out of the car to change places with Brian. 

Mikey settled himself into the space between Ray and Frank. His nose pressed between Frank’s shoulder blades while Ray’s arm came to wrap around his middle. Another hand came to rest on his shoulder - Gerard hooking his arm around Ray to reach him. The van wasn’t a comfortable place to sleep by any means. The blankets they piled as a poor excuse for a mattress barely did anything to keep his bones from aching by the time he woke up, and yet, whenever he found himself wrapped up in his friends - Mikey always slept soundly. 

* * *

“Got any… Fours?” He questioned Bob. 

“Nah, Go Fish.” Bob answered, and with a sigh, Gerard reached for the pile of cards, drawing up a new one. 

“Got any.. Twos?” Bob asked this time, and with a sigh, Gerard handed over the card. Bob triumphantly placed the pair down. 

“You’re gonna lose,” Mikey mumbled, still half asleep. His head resting against Gerard’s thigh. Mikey slept the most out of all of them. Frank was always too antsy to sleep for long, especially in the discomfort of the van, Ray couldn’t sleep once the sun was up, Brian barely needed more than four hours of sleep a night, and Bob was almost always cracking his undoubtedly stiff neck - not that he’d ever let any of them help with it. But Mikey, for as much as he complained about how shitty his back felt whenever he woke up, would sleep all day in the back of the van if he could. Like he was now - already, they had switched over to Ray and Frank’s leg of the journey and Mikey had barely been awake other than to stuff a McDonald's hash brown into his mouth before falling asleep again. 

“Please. It’s anybody’s game.” Gerard countered. Bob snorted. 

“Funny how God isn’t helping you win,” Frank piped up from the front. Gerard rolled his eyes. 

“He has more important things to worry about than whether or not I win a game, Frankie.” Although, winning the game would be pretty nice. Bob had an uncanny ability to royally destroy all of them in any of the card games they played. Which was a lot of card games. 

“But isn't He all powerful? Shouldn’t He be able to help you win while also… Doing whatever else the guy does?” Frank questioned, turning in the passenger seat to stare back at Gerard. He never understood why Frank would get like this out of nowhere - all up in his face about his faith. Gerard pursed his lips. 

“It’s just a game, Frank.” A pause. “Any Queens?” Bob handed one over. “See? There’s something. Practically a miracle.” His tone was dry, arching his brows towards Frank. 

He looked like he was about to say something else, before Ray interrupted. “Frank, we should be getting close to the border now, right?” It was a distraction, and Gerard was thankful for it. 

“Yeah, like… Half an hour or something.” Frank answered, his gaze back on the road ahead. 

“Hear that, Mikey.” Gerard nudged him playfully. “You need to get up.” 

Mikey groaned, pushing his face into Gerard’s thigh. “Five more minutes.” 

* * *

Gerard drove again for their second round - and what would be the final leg of the trip. Now driving through Canada with their unfamiliar speed limits, Mikey was also frequently searching for conversions of miles to kilometers, despite Frank’s insistence that Gerard’s collar would surely be enough to get them out of any trouble. 

Fortunately, there was no trouble for them to get out of. Shortly after the sun came up, Gerard was pulling the van up to the school - which was clearly more of a _castle_ than anything else. Even Gerard himself was a little bit surprised. 

“Shit, huh?” Frank let out a whistle as he took in the castle. “You should’ve told me the school was a fucking _castle,_ man.” 

“And they’re letting us stay here, Father?” Brian just needed to be sure - he almost didn’t believe it was real. 

“Yeah, yeah I think so.” Gerard nodded. 

From the front of the building, a nun emerged. A middle aged woman with warm eyes and a friendly smile. Gerard was the first out of the van, heading to greet her with a smile and a shake of the hand. 

“You must be Father Way. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Cardinal Pierce has spoken very highly of you and your team. I’m Sister Edith.” She introduced. Gerard glanced behind him, watching as his sleepy gaggle of a team shuffled out from the van. 

“Sister Edith, please, meet the rest of the team. Frank Iero, Brian Schechter, Bob Bryar, Ray Toro and my own brother - Mikey.” Edith gave them each a warm nod and a bow in turn.  
  
“Come, I’ll show you to your rooms. Father Roth is preparing for Mass. He’ll meet with you after.” 

“If you wouldn’t mind, Sister, I’d love to attend the Father’s Mass.” Gerard chimed in. 

“If you wouldn’t mind, Sister, I’d love to get some more sleep.” Frank added, trailing behind Gerard as they followed Edith into the school. She let out a warm laugh. 

“Father Roth would be honoured to have you in attendance, I’m sure.” She assured Gerard. “But he’ll take no offense to you wanting some extra rest. You’ve had quite the journey getting here, I’m sure.” 

“You fu-” Gerard shot Frank a pointed look. “... Hecking bet we did, Sister.” 

* * *

All things considered, the rooms were nice. They were set up with three of them all right beside each other in the hall. Two to a room, which they gravitated to in their natural patterns. Bob and Brian, Ray and Frank, Mikey and Gerard. Unlike the rest of the school, the interior of the rooms did not look like a castle. With simple twin beds, carpeting from the 80s, and a plain dresser and desk on either side - the rooms were fairly standard as far as dorms went. At least the six of them gained a communal bathroom of their own - although Mikey imagined that was to the dismay of the girls who used to use it. 

With Gerard gone off to Mass, Mikey expected to find himself alone for a couple of hours. Assuming the rest of their group to fall asleep in the meantime. Really, he shouldn’t have been surprised when he heard a light tap on the door, and Frank’s voice calling his name. 

Mikey pushed himself up, opening the door and letting him in. “What’s up?” 

“Figured you wouldn’t be able to sleep on your own.” Frank answered easily, almost a little amused. And yeah, maybe he was right, but that didn’t mean Mikey was so ready to admit it. He rolled his eyes. 

“Please, I’m not a kid.” The response only made Frank laugh a little. 

“I’m not saying you are… Can’t blame you for not wanting to sleep alone in this place. It’s already wigging me out.” 

Mikey snorted a little laugh, dropping back down onto his bed. The door locked automatically when it shut. He settled his back against the wall - closing his eyes once Frank joined him. Shoulder to shoulder. Thigh to thigh. It was like a Pavlovian reaction - as soon as Frank settled next to him, Mikey only wanted to sleep. He tucked his head comfortably against Frank’s shoulder, feeling his chin come to settle against his temple. 

“Careful,” Mikey warned lightly. “Don’t want the nuns to get the ruler.” He teased, squishing himself in closer to Frank anyways. 

Frank laughed brightly. “Shit man, don’t threaten me with a good time. Think they’ll make us wear the skirts too?” 

“I hope so. I have the legs for it.” He stretched his legs out to emphasize it - kicking one of them into the air. Frank patted his thigh before Mikey lowered it again. 

It was moments like these where Mikey wondered if he’d ever be able to let go. 

“You sure you’re okay with us being here?” Mikey asked. “You practically lost your mind when you found out where we were going.” Which, Frank did every time they went anywhere, for the record. But this time Mikey knew he had full reason to be particularly uncomfortable with the current leg of their journey. “I don’t want this place to stir up bad memories and shit for you.” 

Frank shrugged. “I mean, I can’t say that I’m fucking jazzed about it but… I mean, there are worse places to be. Besides, it’s not like it was my school or whatever…” Frank reminded. He sounded so stable, Mikey almost believed him. 

“Do you really want to be doing this, Frankie? Like… What we _do._ Are you happy doing this?” 

The question hung heavy in the air. Instantly, Mikey regretted speaking it aloud. 

“If I said no, if I said I wanted to leave, would you come with me?” 

Mikey had never thought about it before. Naturally, he wanted to insist that _yes_ , he absolutely would go with Frank. He’d follow him to the ends of the Earth. He’d drop anything and everything for him - and maybe Mikey had believed that at one point. At a time before an almost-kiss. At a time when Mikey would whisper _I love you_ against his hairline and it would mean something different than what Frank expected it to. But even then, even in that first moment when Mikey decided that _this_ was what he wanted to do and Frank hadn’t wanted him to go… Mikey would’ve left him behind, wouldn’t he? He would’ve picked Gerard over Frank. He still would pick Gerard over Frank. 

Sometimes he wondered if Frank, too, would pick Gerard. 

The silence spoke enough for him. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to.” 

Mikey pursed his lips, giving Frank a little squeeze. “For what it’s worth… I’m glad you came with us.” Frank made a little noise - something of a disagreement, Mikey thought. He gave another squeeze - his arm curling around Frank’s middle. “I mean it. We need you here, Frank.” 

“You don’t,” Frank answered softly, a certain finality about his voice. “We only need you, Mikeyway. You’re holding this whole thing together, man.” 

He almost had it in him to argue - the fact that they really didn’t need him. What good did he provide that the rest of them couldn’t do on their own? He was the _receptionist_ at best. He could talk to people, but so could Gerard. So could Brian. Without him, they’d manage just fine. It was the rest of them that brought something actually important and irreplaceable to the table. Mikey swallowed thickly. Frank saw him as the glue, and it felt nice to think he mattered to one of them. But Mikey didn’t believe that for a second. It was Gerard who brought them all out here, after all. 

He let out a breath - pretending to be asleep. Frank didn’t call him on it. A whisper of a kiss brushed his scalp. His heart stayed steady in his chest. 

He must have really fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing Mikey knew, Gerard was on his other side, gently nudging the both of them awake. “Hey, wake up. We have to go meet with Father Roth.” 

Mikey was slow to come to - pulled out of the middle of his sleep. He blinked his eyes open, reaching up to rub under his glasses. “Fuck, already?” 

“It’s been two hours, Mikey.” 

Frank groaned beside him, pulling away from Mikey’s side. The act did more than a cup of coffee ever would have. 

“Did you get the rest of the guys already?” Frank asked - his voice still a little heavy. He slipped off of the bed and stretched his arms above his head. 

“Yeah, they’re easier to get up than you two.” Gerard teased as Mikey finally pulled himself up and out of bed. Heading into the hallway, he was greeted by Ray’s hands immediately finding their way into his hair, smoothing out the frizz that had formed. 

“Did you prick your finger on a spinning wheel or something?” Ray teased, while Mikey tilted his head into the brush of his fingers. 

“Fuck, I might as well have. I’m exhausted.” A yawn slipped out of him. “I don’t know why…” He muttered softly, slumping against Ray as they headed down the hall - Sister Edith standing near a stairwell, ready to lead them. Mikey chose to ignore the odd look she gave him and Ray. 

He didn’t pay attention to their surroundings as they made their way through the school. Instead, watching his and Ray’s feet as they walked. Following his steps and letting him lead the way. He could hear Sister Edith talking, saying something about the history of the castle, but Mikey could barely keep his eyes open - let alone listen. He felt Ray’s arm wrap around his middle. Had he stumbled? They all kept walking. And then they stopped. 

“I’ll leave you here,” Sister Edith spoke. “I can give you a full tour of the school later, if you’d like.” 

“That’d be wonderful. Thank you, Sister.” Gerard gave her a little bow, before turning to the door. He gave a light knock, before the door was opened. Mikey lifted his head, eyeing Father Roth curiously. He was almost exactly as Mikey had expected him to be. A quiet looking man, approaching his late sixties at least, and with an exhaustion almost rivaling Mikey’s own. He opened the door, motioning them in. 

“Father Way, it’s pleasure. And you-” He looked to Brian. “Must be Mr Schechter.” 

“Brian, please.” He corrected, offering his hand out to the Father. “It’s nice to meet you, Father.” 

“And you.” Father Roth nodded. “You… Must be Michael.” He spoke to Mikey, where he was still leaning against Ray. “Are you alright?” 

“It’s Mikey,” He answered quickly. No one called him Michael - not even his parents. And certainly, not this guy. “I’m okay just… Tired.” 

He felt Gerard’s eyes on him. Mikey didn’t need to look at him to know he was wearing a concerned furrow of his brows. 

“Well, Mikey.” His name sounded wrong on the lips of Father Roth. “Please, have a seat.” 

Mikey certainly wasn’t going to complain. He sat himself down in the chair opposite of what must’ve been the Father’s desk. 

It would seem that Father Roth had gotten some sort of rundown of all of them from Cardinal Pierce, as he was also easily able to identify Frank, Ray, and Bob and properly greet them too. 

“It was a wonderful service you gave,” Gerard seemed to be bursting to talk about it, given his tone. He stood behind Mikey now, a hand resting on his shoulder. His thumb pressed into the base of Mikey’s neck. Mikey relaxed under the touch, almost feeling like he could fall asleep again. He forced his eyes open - surprised to find Father Roth now sitting on the opposite side of the desk - his eyes burning into Mikey’s head. 

“Thank you, Father Way.” Father Roth cleared his throat. “But, I’m sure you’re wondering about what you’ve been called here for.” 

“You have no idea, Father.” Frank almost sounded _eager._ Mikey glanced towards him in surprise. 

“It started out small.” Father Roth began. “At first, we thought it might have been nothing. Maybe even the girls playing some sort of prank. It started with a handful of the senior students claiming to have had nightmares of Lucifer. But, it got worse. One of our students, Abigail Lynwood, began to fall ill. She had worse nightmares than the rest of them, and then she was _sick._ Beyond any stomach flu I’ve ever seen, and then, she started to experience convulsions, almost like a seizure. We contacted the Church, and they advised us to contact doctors first. So, we did. Medically or psychologically, there was no reason for the behaviour. So, the Vatican sent another priest - an expert in possessions and exorcisms. But… He could not find any signs of Abigail being possessed either. And things only got worse - more and more girls began experiencing the nightmares, and some of them are now beginning to get sick as well. And since it’s not a case of possession…” 

“I was the only one to call.”  
  
“We-” Frank and Mikey spoke at the same time. “We were the only ones to call.” Frank finished. 

Gerard cleared his throat. “Right. We.” A pause. “Is Abigail still here?” He questioned. “Would we be able to speak with her?” 

“I assumed you would like to.” Father Roth nodded. “You can see her, soon. Her parents are visiting right now.” 

“Of course.” Gerard nodded.  
  
“Is she… Okay?” There was a softness to Ray’s voice as he asked the question. “I know she’s sick but…” 

“If all goes well, I believe she will recover.” Which, to Mikey meant, _it’s all on you six._

“How long ago did this start, Father?” Gerard started in on the questions. He patted Mikey’s shoulder, and it took him a moment to click with what he wanted. The notebook. Mikey rubbed his eyes again, drawing out his notebook and flipping it open. That gave him a boost of energy, if only for a moment. He noted down what Father Roth had already told them in shorthanded bullet points. 

“About a month ago now. Everything has happened so rapidly. I’m sure you understand.” 

“Of course, Father Roth… Has there been anything else going on?” Gerard questioned. “Aside from the nightmares and the sickness? Anything strange in the days leading up to it all beginning?” 

Father Roth shook his head. “Not that I can recall, no.” 

Mikey’s writing was messier than normal. Even Gerard would have a difficult time decoding it later. Why was he so exhausted? He stifled back another yawn. 

“And I take it Abigail hasn’t been going to her classes anymore?” Gerard asked. “Has she been able to see anyone since this started happening?” 

“Since the convulsions started we limited her contact to staff members and her sister.” 

“Has her sister experienced any of the symptoms?” 

“She’s had some of the nightmares, yes, but she hasn’t gotten sick.” _Yet_ hung heavily in the air. 

Mikey blinked down at his notes. He could barely read his own writing. 

“Would we be able to speak to her as well?” Gerard questioned, and the Father readily agreed. Assuring he had no more questions at the moment, he gave Mikey a light tug on the arm, motioning for him to get up. Mikey made it from the room on his own two feet, but by the time they had left the office, he was leaning entirely against Gerard. 

“Fresh air,” The words weren’t meant to be a question - but that’s how it sounded. Gerard didn’t say anything else before he was leading the way. Mikey felt Frank come up to his other side, and he felt his feet leave the floor as the pair of them carried him down countless hallways. Ray or Brian - Mikey couldn’t tell - ran ahead of them, searching for the nearest exit. He heard a door open, heavy and creaking, and moments later his lungs were full of air, the sun warming his skin.  
  
He was wide awake.  
  
“Shit, man.” He pulled away from Gerard and Frank, pushing a hand back through his hair as he inhaled deeply. “What the hell was _that?_ ” 

“You tell us.” Brian eyed him over curiously. “You looked half-dead in there.” 

“He was up all-night with you, Gerard.” Ray added. “But…” 

“But I feel fine now. And I shouldn’t have been that tired. I slept all day before…” It didn’t make any sense to him, and judging by the expressions on everyone’s faces, it didn’t make much sense to them either. 

“But you feel okay now?” There was that look on Gerard’s face again. The furrow of his brow that made Mikey feel strangely _guilty._ Even though he hadn’t asked for this. Even though it wasn’t his fault at all. He looked down at his feet, taking another breath, before he nodded. 

“I’m okay now.” He pushed up the corners of his lips. Frank, at least, relaxed. 

“Well-” Frank, thankfully, changed the subject. “What the fuck is going on with that girl then, huh? Because to me, it sounds like a possession.” 

“But we know it’s not.” Gerard’s gaze didn’t leave Mikey, even as he addressed the group. “Surely, a demonologist within the Church-” 

“Hold on, _demonologist?”_ Frank let out a laugh. “What, is that the official term? If there’s fucking demonologists out there what the hell does that make us? Magicologists? Cursologists?” 

“Technically, I think I’m a botanist.” Ray shifted his weight, a small smirk tugging at his lips. 

“No, dude, you’re a fucking wizard.” 

Mikey snorted a laugh, rolling his eyes. “Please, if he was a wizard he’d have like… a fucking staff.” 

“And what else do you think Ray is packing there?” Frank made a vague gesture towards Ray’s groin. Ray smacked his hand away lightly. His cheeks had flushed a little pink. 

“Oh shut up, man.” 

“And to get back to the point - if there _was_ a demon involved in Abigail’s place, the… other priest would’ve found it.” Gerard continued. Mikey noticed then that Gerard still hadn’t stopped looking at him. Minute changes in the purse of his lips, and the furrow of his brow, spoke volumes. 

_Are you really okay?_ His eyes seemed to ask. 

Mikey dipped his chin, the muscles in his shoulders flexing. _I think so._

“I mean, if it’s not a priest… Then what is it? Like, it couldn’t be another stigmata, could it?” Brian asked. “Or maybe it’s just a curse?” 

“That’s what I’m thinking. A curse, that is.” Gerard said out loud - to Mikey, he said - _We can talk later._ It wasn’t a question.

Mikey’s lips twitched. _Okay._ There was no getting out of that one. He’d just have to accept his fate on it. 

“And who would’ve cursed her?” Frank asked aloud. 

“And how did they do it?” Bob followed.  
  
“Well, isn’t that what we’re here to figure out?” Gerard clapped his hands together. “Hopefully, we can figure out some more once we actually talk to her.” He took a step, ready to head back inside. He paused - stepping up to Mikey instead to walk beside him on the way in. Mikey didn’t need his support this time. 

* * *

The tour from Sister Edith was relatively uneventful as far as Gerard was concerned. But, they got to see where the chapel was, (separate from the church, which was a separate building all together.) where the library was, where the cafeteria was, and get a sense for their way around the building. Sister Edith also led them around to the courtyard and the gardens. Mikey had to practically drag Ray away from poking around the greenhouse. 

They were also introduced to a handful of students that they came across while on their way. An announcement would be made at dinner that evening - Sister Edith explained - so the students wouldn’t be surprised to find strange men wandering around the school. 

Classes were in session by the time they settled down for lunch in the cafeteria, talking over tuna (or in Frank’s case, cucumber) sandwiches and lemonade.  
  
“So, are we going to talk about how the Catholic school girls are totally in love with Gerard?” Frank burst out - as though he had been dying to get it out. 

Bob snorted a little laugh. “Well, I was hoping we wouldn’t.” 

Gerard blinked at both of them - eyes wide and frankly, a little confused. Ray was stifling a little bit of laughter, and Mikey was rolling his eyes. The smile on his face was forced. 

“What are you talking about?” He asked Frank. 

“Oh, c’mon man. Don’t play dumb.” He pouted his lips, batting his eyes. _“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Father Way.”_ His falsetto dissolved into laughter. “They were practically swooning over you, man.” 

“They were just being nice, Frank.” Gerard shook his head. “No, no it definitely wasn’t like _that._ ” 

“If that helps you sleep at night.” Frank nudged Mikey. “Can you believe this guy?” 

“Yeah, Gerard… Frank… Does kinda have a point.” 

Gerard groaned, pushing his face into his hands. “Seriously, Mikey? You too?” He huffed a little. “Look, those… _kids._ They’re _kids._ ” Gerard emphasized. “They weren’t… Just, no. No.” 

“Hey, no one was accusing you of anything.” Frank held up his hands in defense. “I’m just saying… Cute Priest comes to town mixed with repressed teen girls who haven’t seen a dude in three months… I mean, it was bound to happen.” Frank let out another little laugh. 

“ _Anyways-_ ” Gerard pressed on. “Hopefully, we’ll be able to meet with Abigail today, and I think tonight we should get started on research. Looking into things with her symptoms…” 

“I can get started on that.” Bob offered. “If she’s really been sick, I imagine she doesn’t want to be crowded by strangers.” 

Ray nodded along. “I’ll work on research too… I don’t know how much help I’d be in the interviewing process.” Mikey pouted, giving Ray a little nudge. But he said nothing. Gerard nodded his agreement.  
  
“Alright. You two can get started on the studying, and me, Mikey, Frank, and Brian will go meet Abigail?” 

“Sounds like a plan.” And with Brian’s confirmation, it was settled. 

When the time came and the group split off, Sister Edith led the four to see Abigail. 

The infirmary wasn’t a cozy place by any means. Gerard could already see Frank getting a little antsy the moment they walked in. Hospital beds sectioned off by blue curtains. Gerard noticed a flick of movement as Mikey’s hand slid into Frank’s. He tried not to feel too jealous. 

Abigail was laid in the very last bed - the furthest away from the other girls. Gerard furrowed his brows. What, did they think it was contagious? 

It looked contagious, he realized. There was no colour but green in her face. Her eyes were ripe with exhaustion, her lips dry and cracked. A swell of pity bubbled up in him. 

“You must be Father Way.” Abigail spoke first. Her voice filled with a warmth that seemed so opposite to the sickness written on her face. “It’s nice to meet you, Father. Thank you for coming all the way out here.”  
  
Gerard took a seat next to her bed, scooting in closer. Mikey stood just behind him, and Frank and Brian at the foot of the bed. He offered his best smile towards Abigail. “It’s good to meet you too. I only wish it were under better circumstances.” Gerard offered gently, tilting his head. “How are you feeling today?” 

“About as good as I can, all things considered.” Abigail kept up her smile. “I’m sorry, Father Roth didn’t tell me about… The rest of you.” 

“Ah, right.” Gerard reached behind him, patting Mikey on the arm. “This is my brother, Mikey. And my friends, Frank and Brian. We also have two other friends, Ray and Bob. We… Do this as a team,” Gerard explained. 

Abigail nodded slowly, her smile faltering for a moment. “Uh, Father Way… If… If it’s okay with you do you think we could… Talk alone?”

Gerard felt Mikey shift behind him. Without looking, he knew Mikey wasn’t happy about it. He didn’t think Frank or Brian would be too pleased about it either. But, he nodded slowly. “Of course, Abigail.” Whatever got her to talk, right? He turned to Frank and Brian. “Just wait outside?” Gerard suggested. Before Frank and Brian moved, he heard Mikey beginning to slump off.  
  
“Shout if you need us.” Brian added, before turning to follow. 

Frank lingered a moment longer, his jaw a little tight before he wordlessly turned to follow them out. 

Gerard waited until he heard the sound of the door shutting behind them before he turned back to Abigail. “Where do you want to start?” 

Abigail was silent for a moment - chewing her lip thoughtfully. Her gaze avoided Gerard, looking down at her hands on the bed sheets instead. “I guess it started with… The dreams.” Gerard nodded along. “They… The first one wasn’t so bad. You know? It was… Dark. And I could hear _him._ I think it was Lucifer… It had to be him, you know? It was just… It felt so _evil._ I was so scared.” 

Gerard shifted a little bit closer to her, unsure of how to comfort her, exactly. “I see.” He kept his voice low. Gentle, even. It had been a while since he had taken up the gig as a Youth minister, but he remembered how to talk to kids - at least, he thought he did. “Do you remember what he said to you?” 

“Most… Most of it wasn’t in English. It was in Latin, I think? Maybe… I don’t know. But… I remember he told him-” She coughed out a little sob. “He…” She hesitated then, sniffling before speaking.  
  
“Father…” Abigail continued. “When… When did you decide to take your Holy Orders?” 

The question took Gerard by surprise. His brows arching slightly as he looked her over. “Ah, well… I must’ve been about your age when I first felt the call. And once I felt it… It was a pretty easy choice to make. I always wanted to help people, and… The church really helped me. I thought I could do the same for others. Help them find their path.” Gerard explained, a light smile pulling up at his lips. “And that’s what I’m doing now… I get to travel the world and help people through some of the darkest times in their lives.” 

Abigail was quiet again, a shaking hand coming up to wipe at her eyes. “Before it happened,” She croaked out, shifting to curl in on herself. Her knees pulled up to her chest. “Before it happened, I… Decided I wanted to become a Sister.” She whispered. “I… I haven’t told anyone.” Followed quickly after. “And… And in the dream, Lucifer he… He kept telling me to n-not do it.” 

Gerard tilted his head, a small frown pulling at the corners of his lips. He offered a hand out towards her. Her hand was freezing. No wonder she was shaking so badly. “If you feel God calling you, Abigail. You follow that. God has His ways of speaking to us, and if you feel the pull towards Him, there is no way He would deter you from that. Tell me, despite the dreams do you still want to do it?” Abigail nodded quickly. “Then you already know what you should do.” 

“Thank you, Father.” She still sounded so afraid. It made Gerard’s heartache. “Could you please keep it between us?” She asked quietly. 

He faltered a moment. “Would you mind if I told my friends?” Gerard asked softly. “This could be important to us figuring out what’s happening to you, Abigail. But I promise, they won’t tell anyone.” 

Her eyes welled with tears again - her lower lip trembling. Gerard’s face fell, already ready to backtrack on the request - anything, that would involve him keeping her trust- 

“Okay.” 

He relaxed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” He added softly. She made no move to pull her hand away from his, and so, Gerard stayed there. Her hand cupped in both of his. “What else happens in your dreams?” 

“Usually, it’s the voice of Lucifer.” She explained. “I haven’t actually seen him, I don’t think.” She sniffled, squeezing his hand tightly. Abigail still wouldn’t meet his eye directly. “I hear him and… He says horrible things about me… About God. And there’s… There’s fire sometimes, like… Like everything is burning. And there’s nothing I can do.” She opened her mouth, like she wanted to say something else. 

“Abigail?” 

“That’s all.” She said all too quickly. “That’s… That’s all there is. I’m sorry.” 

Gerard didn’t believe her. There was something else she was hiding, but he didn’t push. Instead, he gave her hand another squeeze. “And when you get sick? Does it come with anything else? Any visions? Any… Triggers for it?” 

Abigail shook her head. “Other than… It’s always at night.” Abigail explained. “For all of us. Either… Either we sleep and we have the nightmares, or we stay awake throwing up and the… The convulsions.” She was really shaking then. 

“Are you cold?” Gerard questioned. “I can get you another blanket, if you like.” He offered, already making a move to shift up from his seat. 

“No, no it’s not… I’m not cold.” She felt cold. “It’s… I’m sorry, I can’t... There aren't _any words._ ” She was terrified. That much was clear to him, and Gerard hated the fact that he didn’t know how to help her. At least, not right away. He moved one of his hands, reaching into his pocket to draw out his rosary. 

“Would you like to pray with me?” 

She seemed to relax then. Even if for a moment. Her free hand came to hold the cross on the end of the rosary. For a moment, when her fingers touched it, Gerard watched her muscles twitch, before her fingers tightened around it. “Are you okay?” Gerard spoke in a whisper. She nodded slowly. 

“It’s… Hot.” She explained in a low voice.

“It shouldn’t be.” As if Abigail didn’t already know that. But, she ignored the reply. Instead, she took a breath as she began to recite the Apostles Creed. Slowly, Gerard joined her on the prayer. He watched her carefully, the furrow of her brows as she moved from bead to bead, guiding him through the prayers. By the time they finished, Abigail’s face was streaked with tears. 

“Father Way... “ She let go of the rosary, letting him pocket it again. “If… If you could,” She started. “Would you talk to my sister?” She suggested softly. “I know… I know especially with what’s happening now, she’s been struggling with her faith.” She explained. “I think someone like you could really help her, Father.” 

Gerard warmed at her words. How was he supposed to say no to that? “I’ll see what I can do.” He assured. “But first, I’m going to focus on helping you and the other girls, okay?” Abigail smiled at that. 

“Of course.” 

“But you’re very kind, Abigail. And I promise, I’m going to help you.” Gerard squeezed her hand again. “What’s your sister’s name?” 

“Rachel. She’s in 10th grade.” 

“Three years younger than you?”  
  
“Two.”  
  
“Ah.” Gerard nodded. “Mikey, he’s three years younger than me.” 

“He came with you,” Abigail noted. “Does he always travel with you?” 

“Not until recently.” Gerard explained. “I was working alone for the Vatican for a while… Traveling around, and Mikey was working at this…” Gerard hesitated. “Salon, in New Jersey. Well, he worked there with Frank, Ray, and Bob. Brian owned the place.” He continued - pointedly deciding not to tell her exactly what the place was. He wasn’t sure how well that would fly around the school. “Then… Something happened with Frank, something a little bit like what’s happening with you. Coincidentally, around the time I came home too… They all helped me in figuring it out and getting Frank better, and from there, we decided to stick together.” He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged up at his lips. It had been lonely before, but now, Gerard could hardly even find time to _breathe_ on his own. Not that he was complaining. He loved the company that he had gained. He didn’t know how he had managed to be on his own - without _Mikey_ \- for so long. 

He hoped he wouldn’t have to be all alone again. 

“It’s nice that you and your brother are close.” Abigail bit her lip. “Me and Rachel are close too.” She added on quickly. It was interesting, talking to her, Gerard thought. She clearly wanted to tell him more, but for some reason, she was holding herself back from it.

“You can trust me, Abigail. Whatever you have to say-”  
  
“There’s nothing.” So, there wasn’t going to be getting through to her right now. That was okay. 

“Okay.” Gerard stood slowly. “Well, if you have nothing else you wanted to talk about right now… I think I should get started on my research, yeah?” He gave her a little pat on the shoulder. “If you want to see me again, at any time, just tell the nurse to come get me, okay? I’ll be right here. No matter what.” 

Abigail looked down at her lap. “And you’ll talk to Rachel?” 

“I’ll talk to Rachel.” 

She seemed content with that, leaning back down onto her pillows without further goodbye. 

* * *

“Would you two - ugh - fucking _quit it?_ ” Brian pushed his hands through his hair - interrupting the all important debate Mikey and Frank had been having. 

“No way, Schechter.” Frank shook his head. “Not until this asshole admits that Val Kilmer was a better Batman than George Clooney.” 

“I never said George Clooney was _better._ I just think they both kinda sucked.” 

“And I think you’re full of shit.”  
  
Mikey couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Oh, please. You’re the one ready to die on the hill of Val Kilmer, like… For real, man. I really want you to think about the movie you’re defending here.” He let out another laugh. “Like… You’re really gonna sit here and try to tell me that you _liked_ Jim Carrey’s Riddler? For real?” 

“Uh, _yeah._ Batman Forever is fucking awesome, Mikeyway.” Frank tilted his head up - leaning forward on his feels in an attempt to make himself seem just a little bit taller. It took all of Mikey’s strength to not reach out and pat his head or something. 

“You have garbage taste in Batman.” Mikey shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I mean, like, for real. That movie was a disaster.” 

“At least it didn’t have the Batnips.” 

“Oh, Val Kilmer _totally_ had the Batnips. Maybe not as pronounced as Clooney’s, but they definitely existed.” 

“No way, dude. You’re wrong. Shit was smooth.” 

“You don’t even remember what the suit looked like! You literally have no argument here.” 

“Can you both shut up?” Brian’s request fell on deaf ears. 

“I _so_ do. You’re wrong. Batman Forever is a fantastic movie. And it fully holds up.” Frank continued to insist. 

“Now you’re just lying to yourself, man. When was the last time you even watched it?” Mikey wasn’t unfamiliar with the urge to touch Frank. Whether it be the desire to brush his fingers along his arm, or to lace their fingers together, or to push his fingers into his hair. The latter of which was rather tempting right now. He also was used to having to hold back those desires. Especially now with Gerard in the picture. Instead, he put his fingers through his own hair as he laughed. He loved getting into these things with Frank - the fights about nothing that never mattered ten minutes after they were over, but filled whatever time they were trying to kill. It was almost like a script. An unspoken decision that whenever they found themselves bored, they’d bicker instead. 

So far, it has been effective at keeping them entertained. Even if Brian looked about ready to throttle them both. 

“I dunno. Like… Four years ago? And hey - don’t give me that look Mikeyway. I know what I’m talking about still, and the point remains that Val Kilm- Oh, hey Gerard.” 

Mikey blinked. Ashamed to think that for a moment, he had forgotten they had even been waiting for him. 

“Thank _fuck._ ” Brian groaned. “How’s the kid doing?” 

“She’s…” He pursed his lips. His gaze immediately found Mikey, as though he would be able to fill in the words that escaped him. Mikey tilted his head. “... Doing okay, I think. We should head back. I’ll fill you all in together.” _and in private._ But that was hardly secret code. 

Mikey trusted Brian and Gerard to lead the way back to their rooms. He hadn’t been paying too much attention the first time around, given he had been on the verge of falling asleep. This time, he fell into step with Frank trailing a few feet behind Brian and Gerard. They were quiet then, allowing Mikey the time to look around and take in the castle. 

“Hey,” Mikey held out his arm, stopping Frank for a moment. “It’s that painting you like.” 

“Our Lady of Sorrows.” Frank answered. And sure enough, some version of her was there hanging on the wall. Amidst a myriad of other paintings done by students. She stuck out to Mikey like a sore thumb. Him and Frank stood still, transfixed for a moment. 

He didn’t resist then. Letting his hand slide into Frank’s - loosely. He felt Frank’s gaze shift towards him. He could imagine the look on his face - _pity._ The way his eyes would soften, the way his lips would part as he tried to find the right thing to say, the way he’d shift a little closer to him; trying to give him just enough, but not too much. The same look he gave Mikey on the night before they left on his journey. The night he told Mikey he loved him, with the unspoken _not like that._ Mikey wasn’t hopeful. He knew that there would be no him and Frank. Hell, Mikey didn’t even know if there would be anyway he could manage a committed relationship. 

Or if he even deserved to try. 

So he kept his gaze on the painting instead. He kept his mind on counting the swords pointed to her heart over and over, because that was easier than feeling the way Frank’s fingers curled and squeezed his heart. 

A moment later, the warmth left his hand, and Frank kept walking. Mikey trailed behind him. 

When they got back to their rooms, they found Bob and Ray in his and Gerard’s room, surrounded by opened books. Mikey let Frank sit first (on Gerard’s bed) before deciding where he’d settle himself. He wanted to put as much distance between the two of them as possible. And as such, he settled himself beside Ray, who gave him a light bump of the shoulder. 

“Still feeling alright, man?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

Mikey knew he wasn’t very convincing, but Ray didn’t push him further. At least Gerard captivated the room, drawing the attention away from him. 

“She’s definitely keeping something from me.” Gerard announced. “But, I think I can still get her to talk more… She just needs to learn to trust me.” He let out a little sigh, already looking a little tired. Well, he had been up all night. 

“So… We look into devil dreams while you work on getting some teenager to open up to you?” Brian questioned. 

Gerard pursed his lips, but nodded. “She also wants me to talk to her sister about religion…” 

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose. “No offense, Father, but is this really the time to be playing Youth Minister?” 

Gerard’s eyes narrowed. “I can do _both,_ Brian.” 

Brian looked about ready to argue, but Mikey jumped in before he could. “I mean, we don’t even know what we’re dealing with. We can research while Gerard does his thing. Besides, it’ll probably help him get Abigails' trust, right?” 

A smile bloomed over Gerard’s face. “Right.” He agreed, shooting what Mikey would best describe as a smug look towards Brian. Brian ignored it, picking up a book to flip through the pages. 

“We started looking into the history of the grounds.” Ray interrupted. “This place wasn’t always a school. It was someone’s literal castle first. This old dude, uh, Lord Horace Blackwood built the place for his family, in like…” He checked over his notes. “1854. They lived here until 1914, when his grandson inherited the place and sold it to the Church. I can’t really find a reason why, but my best guess would be maybe the Blackwood money was running out? Anyways, the church outside was built then, and this place first opened as an all-boys school. It stayed that way until 73, when they had aged out all of the guys and then started taking girls in instead. I guess there’s a few other all-boys schools in the area, but there weren't any girls schools so… They made this one?” 

“We’ve been looking, but we haven’t really found any history of haunting or weird happenings.” Bob added. “I imagine stuff like that might not be published openly, though. We might need to see if we can get into the schools archived records. Think you can convince Father Roth?” The question was to Gerard. 

“I’ll see what I can do.” 

“And hey, if they guy says no, I have no moral issues with digging around anyways.” Frank added. 

“Frank,” Gerard half-warned. “The last thing we want is to get ourselves kicked out.” 

Mikey shrugged a little. “But I mean… If we need information, Gerard…” 

Frank’s hands rose in surrender. “We can ask nicely first. But if we need to find something out and they aren’t telling us… I mean, isn’t the kid more important than some documents?” 

Mikey could see the shift in Gerard’s face. The twitch of his lips which meant that he agreed with Frank. “We’ll figure that out when we get there. We’re going to _ask_ first.” Gerard settled, and his word was final. 

And so, the next few hours were spent in relative silence. Mikey half-leaning against Ray as he skimmed page after page in Gerard’s books. Occasionally, they’d break out into discussion on a theory - but with nothing solid yet, they eventually packed it in for the evening - leaving Mikey and Gerard back with their room to themselves.  
  
“Least we don’t have to pay for a place to stay.” Mikey noted, stretching out on his bed now that Brian was no longer occupying it. 

“You sure you’re feeling okay, Mikey?” 

The question shouldn’t have surprised Mikey as much as it did. Leave it to Gerard to be doting and concerned, even hours after the weird episode had occurred. 

“I’m fine.” Mikey sighed. “I was just… Tired, I don’t know. I needed some fresh air.” The explanation didn’t do much to placate Gerard. 

“Fresh air isn’t an adrenaline shot,” He spoke as if Mikey wouldn’t know that. “You don’t just… Perk up that quickly.” 

Mikey shrugged. “Well, I did. And I feel fine now. So, don’t worry about it. It was just… A fluke.” He didn’t really believe it either, truth be told. And he knew Gerard knew that he felt that as well. But Mikey never really liked to talk about his own well-being. 

Gerard sat down on the edge of his bed, quiet for a moment as he studied Mikey carefully. “You know you-” 

“I know, I know. I can tell you anything.” Except he couldn’t. There were some things he couldn’t bear to speak to Gerard about. And while he felt guilty about that, Mikey was sure things were better this way. Like, what good would it do to tell him that he was still struggling to get over Frank. Which was stupid too, because it wasn’t even like Gerard could be with him. He swallowed thickly - trying to avoid pushing himself back into that mindset. He didn’t want to think about Frank right now. 

“Then why don’t you?” 

It was another question that Mikey didn’t want to have to answer. And he hated that he felt guilty for it. And how could he not, with the soft look of hurt that knitted across his brother’s features. “I-” Was there a good answer for it, really? _I don’t want to bother you_ was something Gerard would have a million arguments against. _I don’t trust you_ was just a blatant lie. And the truth of _I don’t want to hurt you or get mad at you again_ was a whole other can of worms Mikey didn’t want to crack open. “I just…” He took a breath, still unsure of what he wanted to say. “Some things I just don’t want to talk about.” 

Gerard didn’t need to ask his follow-up question. Mikey could see it written on his face. Just like he could see the swell of disappointment forming beneath the surface. “I don’t know why.” Mikey answered the unspoken request. It was a lie. He hated himself for it. “I just, _don’t._ ” 

“Right,” Gerard chewed his lip. Concentrating on Mikey’s face still - as though he could somehow stare at him long enough that he’d start to unravel. Mikey could only hope that Gerard wouldn’t figure out that he could pull that off, if he really tried. Already, he felt himself nearing the breaking point. “We should call it an early night.” He said instead. He stood up from the bed, and Mikey exhaled. 

“Yeah. We got a shit ton of work ahead of us.” 

“You mean _I_ do.” Gerard teased lightly. He moved to click off the light. “Goodnight, Mikey.” 

Mikey was quiet for a moment. “Night, Gerard.” 

* * *

They’re the center of attention at breakfast the following morning, and Gerard already hates it. Mostly, he hates the look of amusement on Frank’s face whenever he spots a group of girls turning their gaze towards Gerard. 

But, he likes breakfast at least. 

They’re mostly quiet as they eat. Gerard was surprised, at first, but then he remembered that they were surrounded by teenage girls, and frankly, he can’t remember many of their conversations being entirely appropriate to be overheard by that audience. He found himself lost in his own thoughts, thinking about Abigail, and how she must’ve had another nightmare. And how he still wasn’t any closer to figuring out what was afflicting her. He had stopped eating. A bubble of guilt forming in his throat. He remembered how scared she looked. 

Mikey’s elbow found his ribs, and he shifted his gaze to his brother. The colour had drained from his face. He looked a little nauseous. 

“Mikey-” 

“That’s her.” He nodded his head in the direction of one of the students. A tired looking girl who had just entered the cafeteria. Her eyes swept the room, briefly making eye-contact with Gerard, before she turned away, stalking to the other side of the room. “That’s her sister.” 

“How do you know?” Ray questioned curiously. Mikey only shrugged. 

“I just… Know.” He coughed, Gerard noticing his hands starting to shake. “I need to go outside.” 

Ray and Frank both stood immediately. “We’ll get him.” Frank said to Gerard, who was starting to shift out of his seat as well. “Go talk to the kid.” 

Gerard opened his mouth to argue, but Frank already had his arm around Mikey’s shoulder, with Ray leading the way out of the cafeteria. Gerard watched them for a moment, waiting until they were gone. 

“Uh, I’ll be… Back, I guess.” 

“We’ll be here.” Brian answered easily. 

Gerard pursed his lips, moving away from the table in the direction that he had seen Rachel going. He found her at a table, chatting and eating with what he assumed must’ve been her friends. 

“Rachel?” Gerard questioned gently. 

She ignored him. 

“You… Are Rachel, right? Abigail’s sister?” 

The other girls had fallen quiet. Their gaze all turned to Rachel. A moment later, she spoke. Her words dripping with venom. “What do you want?” 

The hostility took him aback. Gerard taking a brief moment to compose himself. “Your sister wanted me to talk to you…” 

Rachel let out a huff. “Well, that’s too bad. Because I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Rachel-” 

“No, listen. She’s not the boss of me and neither are you. I don’t want to do confession or whatever the hell she thinks I need to do. It’s all stupid, anyways.” 

Gerard’s face fell. Honestly _hurt_ but the anger she carried. “I wasn’t going to ask you to confess.” He spoke softly. “I just… Wanted to talk to you, that’s all.” 

“Well, we talked, didn’t we? So you can tell Abigail that I’m not interested in having some asshole priest come preach to me on her behalf. Believe me, she does it enough, _Father._ ” The glare on her face was a challenge, and Gerard decided not to take it. He had dealt with teens before who held no interest in exploring their faith, but never had he met someone who was so angry about it. 

Without another word, he headed back towards the table with Brian and Bob. 

“Well? How did it go?” Bob questioned. 

“We’re going to be here a while.” Gerard answered with a sigh.  
  
It wasn’t too long after that that Mikey, Ray, and Frank returned. Mikey was still tinted a little bit green. “It’s something in here.” Frank noted. “He was fine outside.”  
  
“And unfortunately, I can’t live outside all the time.” Mikey muttered. He sipped at his orange juice. 

“You sure you’re okay, Mikes?” Gerard asked. A hand coming up to rest on his brother's shoulder. He knew the answer before Mikey even said it. 

“I’ll be fine. Just a little sick, I guess.” 

Gerard noticed a twitch in Mikey’s lips. A distinct discomfort about him. Gerard squeezed his shoulder. He wanted to push him for more, to get to the root of what was getting to Mikey as well. But Mikey turned his head, as if he knew exactly what Gerard was about to do - and gave the slightest shake of his head. Gerard squeezed his shoulder again, and left it at that. 

It’s not until later that day where he’d see Rachel again. This time, it must’ve been sometime after her classes. Gerard was out on the grounds, breathing in from a cigarette on his break from the research. She was stepping out of the grounds all by herself, for reasons Gerard didn’t care to question. He decided to try again. He put out his cigarette quickly - the last thing he wanted was to get caught smoking. Then, he was making his attempt to approach her. 

“Oh, not you again.” Rachel started, before Gerard could even open his mouth. “Look, dude, take a hint. I’m not interested in Jesus.” 

So was that the issue? She didn’t believe in God? Gerard took in a breath. “Well, hi,” He started. Briefly unsure of where he was going to go with this. “I swear, I’m not trying to upset you… I know with what’s going on with your sister it can be easy to lose your faith…” 

“My sister has nothing to do with it.” Rachel snapped. “I don’t care, okay? I don’t care about whatever the hell you have to say about God. Believe me, I’ve heard it all before.” 

And maybe that was true. Or maybe she fully believed it. Gerard pushed a hand through his hair, letting out a breath. 

“You know…” He started slowly. “I understand what you’re going through. It’s hard, sometimes. To keep your faith. Especially when you’re your age, and you’re trying to figure everything out with your life and who you are-” 

“Oh my _God._ Shut up. I mean it, I’ve heard this _shit_ -” Gerard shouldn’t have been so surprised to hear her swear. “-all before. You’re not special, Father. So just shut up and do whatever the hell you think you can do to get Abigail better. But don’t waste your breath trying to preach to me. God doesn’t give a shit about me.” Those words are what stung him. A frown forming firmly on his face at hearing it. 

“Is that what this is about?” He questioned gently. “You feel as though He doesn’t love you?” 

Fire lit behind her eyes. If he thought he had struck a nerve before, he certainly had done it now. She was practically seething towards him, her hands balling up at her sides. 

“Leave me the _fuck_ alone.” It sounded like a threat. Gerard stilled. And for a moment, they stared at each other. Almost willing the other to make the first move. 

Rachel turned on her heel, stomping back into the school. 

* * *

“Holy _fuck._ ” Mikey groaned. It was sudden, but there it was - a sharp, searing pain beating at his skull from the inside out. He curled in on himself, pressing his head against his knees and letting out a whine. 

“Mikey?” Frank was by his side in a second. He felt the warmth of his hands on his back, but it felt distant. Everything felt distant to the sensation of what must’ve been a god-damned jackhammer digging through his brain. “Mikey, shit, what the fuck? Are you okay?” 

_“No._ ” Mikey finally admitted. His jaw clenched tightly. “Fuck, my _fucking_ head. Shit.” His own fingers curled into his hair, tugging then. As though that would distract him from the pain. 

“Shit-” He read Ray say, but it sounded distant. He heard the door open, and promptly shut. But he couldn’t bring himself to look at what was happening. His eyes were squeezed shut. He let out another shout of pain. 

“Hey, hey… I’m here, man. I’m right here.” Frank assured. He could feel him rubbing his back, if only barely. The pain in his head just seemed to be getting stronger. His whole body felt hot with it. “You’re going to be okay.” Frank continued. But Mikey couldn’t believe it in the moment. Not with his skull feeling like it was on the verge of cracking open. He let out another groan - withering with the pain of it. 

The door opened again, and it must’ve been Ray, because a moment later he felt Frank lifting his head and a bottle being pressed to his lips. “Drink this.” Definitely Ray. He parted his lips, letting Ray pour the mixture into his mouth. He couldn’t make out the taste, but it burned at his tongue and his throat. Mikey screamed again. 

“The fuck is happening to him?” Brian, maybe? 

“I don’t know.” Frank definitely answered. “We were just sitting here and-” 

“FUCK!” Mikey couldn’t contain it. He felt like he was about to burst. He saw flames behind his eyelids, white-hot burning flames that made him feel like he could go blind too. His whole body trembled with it. Frank held him closer, and another body bracketed his other side. 

What could’ve been seconds or minutes or hours later resulted in another feeling of hands, this time, holding his cheeks. 

“Mikey…” His voice was soft. Gerard. It had to be Gerard. “You’re okay.” He continued gently. “You’re okay, we’re all here. You’re okay.” 

The next thing he knew, was Ray shifting next to him. A gentle hand pushing through his hair. “Hey… You coming back to us, Mikeyway?” There was a wobble of fear. 

“Fuck.” Mikey groaned softly, but now, the searing pain had dulled to a throb. Just like a regular headache. Only all of his joints felt stiff.  
  
Mikey shifted, flexing his fingers first. Then his wrists, his arms, his shoulders, then he moved. Frank and Ray parted from his sides as he stretched out his leg and cracked his back. “Jesus… What the _fuck_ was that?” He groaned. 

“We were kinda hoping you could tell us, man.” Frank shifted back into him, his hand coming back onto Mikey’s back. “You scared the shit outta us. Just started screaming out of nowhere.” 

“It almost looked like you blacked out.” Gerard’s voice was small. “Like, it was weird. You felt conscious but… You weren’t responding.” 

“It was my head.” Mikey explained slowly. “Fuck, just… Out of nowhere it fucking hurt… Like my whole skull was cracking apart.” That didn’t even begin to scratch the surface of it. But by the looks on their faces, they knew that well enough. “And then it just… Stopped. Sorta. Have a fuckin’ headache now.” 

“I’ll get more Valerian.” Ray offered, moving to shift away. Mikey’s fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. 

“It’s fine. Just… Stay here.” Slowly, Ray took his seat again. Mikey didn’t let go of his shirt. “God, that fucking sucked.” 

“... Did you see anything?” Gerard questioned. “Any… Visions? Did you hear anything?” 

Mikey shook his head. “Just… Bright light. Almost like fire.” Gerard made a noise. “Why?” 

“I wonder if… If it’s the dreams affecting the girls.” 

Mikey groaned. His fingers tightening in Ray’s shirt. “God, I fucking hope not.” 

“Yeah, you and me both.” Gerard reached forward, the back of his hand pressed to Mikey’s forehead. “You should sleep.” 

“Dude, it’s like 7pm.” Frank pointed out. Mikey furrowed his brows. Fuck, it had been a while. He pursed his lips. 

“No… Gerard’s right.” Mikey shifted. “M’fucking exhausted… You guys-” He paused a moment. “You guys stay here just…” He paused a moment, embarrassed to ask the following question. “Could someone stay with me?” He asked. “At least until I fall asleep?” 

“I’ll go-” Gerard was quick to volunteer. Of course he was. Already, he was getting up when Frank stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. 

“No. We need your brain on the books, Gerard.” He countered easily. “You know this shit best, and if it’s getting to Mikey too… We need to figure it out quickly. I got him.” Truthfully, Mikey didn’t really want to be alone with Frank either. But he didn’t have the energy to argue it. He let go of Ray’s shirt, and let Frank help him up from the bed. 

They settled into the neighbouring room. Frank laying on the outer-edge of the bed, his arm hooked over Mikey’s waist. A fair couple of inches between them. Inches that never existed before _that_ night. Mikey fought the urge to press himself closer; to pretend that everything was perfectly okay with him. But he could hardly bring himself to move, let alone pretend. 

“Do you think it’s whatever’s getting to the girls?” Frank asked - breaking the heavy blanket of silence that covered them. Mikey almost missed it. 

“I dunno.” He answered after a moment. “... I mean, whatever it is… It has to be related, right?” It didn’t make sense any other way. Mikey had never had episodes like these before. Not even when he was sick. 

“It looked like you were about to die, man.” There was a shake to Frank’s voice - a quality that made a pit form in his stomach. “Or like you were going to forget again… You were completely out of it.” 

Mikey stiffened at the memory. He felt Frank’s arm tighten around him. 

“Sorry, I-”  
  
“It’s not like that, Frankie.” And now, there was the same shake to his voice. “It’s not going to happen again.” 

Frank took a breath. “I know.” He agreed quietly. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… You freaked all of us out there, Mikey. Ray looked like he was about to cry.” 

And yet, Mikey found himself not caring. He had been the one in intolerable pain, and he was supposed to feel sympathy for them having to watch? A hot flash of anger sparked through him, and he pulled himself away from Frank. 

“Mikey?”  
  
“Stop it.” He let out in a hiss. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Frank was quiet for a moment, before his arm wrapped around Mikey again. “No. No, fuck that shit. You’re not shutting me out, Mikey. I’m not letting that happen.” 

“No- _fuck._ ” Mikey shifted under his grip. “Asshole, let me fucking go.” 

“No.” Frank stood firm on that. “No, I know I-” He let out a breath. “I know I hurt you, Mikey. And I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I can’t… But you’re my best fucking friend, man. And I’m not gonna let you go around icing me out like this. So stop being such a fucking asshole and talk to me.” 

“I don’t know what the fuck you want me to say!” Mikey snapped back. “My head felt like it was gonna fucking explode and I blacked out for - fuck, how long was it? Two fucking hours? And you expect me to sit here and theorize about it? I just want to get some sleep. It still _hurts._ ” And now, with all of the yelling, his head was throbbing even more. “Just let me sleep, man.” The latter was almost a plea. 

“Fine.” Frank relented, and then, he was crowding Mikey. His chest pressed to Mikey’s back, his nose brushing the back of his neck. He was warm and solid behind him. Mikey’s chest ached. “But I’m staying right here.” 

Mikey’s breath caught in his throat. “Fine.” 

“Fine.” Frank echoed. He could feel the words against his skin. Mikey shuddered. 

“I’m not trying to block you out.” Mikey muttered. Now, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“I know.” 

“I’m scared.” His words were even quieter then. 

“Me too.” 

And, softer still. “Stay with me.” For the hour. For the night. Forever. 

“I will.” 

Not in the way Mikey wanted. They both knew that. But he took it for what it was worth, closing his eyes and settling into Frank. He couldn’t sleep, not with that throbbing in his head. But he had Frank, at least. And at least, with that, he was able to relax. Especially when he felt Frank’s breathing even out behind him. Mikey closed his eyes. And eventually, he fell asleep. 

When he woke up, it was due to Ray shuffling around the room. Evidently, trying to be quiet as he collected his things - and he was quiet enough to keep Frank dead asleep behind him.  
  
Mikey blinked. A soft glow filled the room. It must’ve been morning by then. He yawned, rubbing his eyes. 

“Mm, Ray?” 

Ray blinked towards him, surprised for a moment. “Sorry. Did I wake you up?” 

He did, but Mikey just shrugged it off. He straightened up, pulling carefully away from Frank to not wake him up. “It’s okay.” 

“How are you feeling?” Ray was quick to ask next - a spark of worry about him. Mikey softened.

“Like nothing even happened.” Ray seemed to relax at that answer. 

He shifted his gaze, looking down. Mikey followed his gaze towards Ray’s hands, where he held a change of clothes. “I was going to go on a walk around the grounds. If you wanted to come…” 

Some fresh air sounded nice. Easily, Mikey pulled himself up from the bed entirely. “Yeah, that sounds nice… I’ll go get changed. Check in on Gerard.” Mikey explained. “But yeah, yeah I wanna go.” 

“Okay.” Ray nodded, looking back up to Mikey. As if he was studying him. “I’ll see you in a minute then?”  
  
“Uh, yeah.” Mikey nodded, heading out of the room and back over into his and Gerard’s. It was evident that Ray had crashed in his bed. Meanwhile, Gerard was still asleep. So Mikey was quiet as he shuffled around the room to get himself changed. Briefly, he considered waking Gerard. He knew his brother wouldn’t be upset if he had woken him up but… He also didn’t get enough sleep, especially when they were researching. Instead, Mikey opted to write out a note for him - explaining that he had gone out on a walk with Ray. Then, with that settled, he stepped into the hall to find Ray already waiting there. 

“You know where you’re going, Toro?” 

“I think I can find my way.” 

It’s Ray who presses a cigarette into his hand the moment they’re outside. Mikey accepted it wordlessly, pressing it between his teeth. He gave a half-grin to Ray, who rolled his eyes in response. Ray flicked his lighter, bringing it up and lighting Mikey’s cigarette for him. They walked in silence beyond that, until the quiet began to get under Mikey’s skin. 

“You okay, man?” Mikey broke the silence. 

“I should be asking you that,” Ray noted. “Whatever happened there…” 

Mikey cut him off with a shake of his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it, man. Whatever it was… Man, it fucking sucked. And I’m just… I’m glad it’s over now. And we’re gonna figure this shit out, right? That’s what we do.” Mikey pointed out. “Besides, this is nothing compared to the hell that Frank went through.”  
  
Ray nodded slowly after a moment. “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. Sorry.” 

“You know, I kinda wish you guys would stop apologizing to me.” He didn’t think there was ever any reason for them to apologize to him, hell, not after the shit _he_ put them through. But Mikey swallowed that for the moment. He didn’t want to dump all of that on Ray. “It’s not like you broke my head, man.” 

Ray pursed his lips. Mikey frowned at the ground. He flicked the ash from his cigarette. 

“Uh… Well, did you guys find anything?” He asked after a moment. 

The subject change seemed to take Ray by surprise at first, but he nodded. “Oh, uh, yeah. Looking into dreams about Lucifer… Well, Gerard doesn’t think it’s _actually_ Lucifer that we’re dealing with. We don’t know who or what exactly… He thinks it could be a demon appearing to them in visions and… You know, they just don’t know who it is. They just know it’s evil.” Ray explained. “It’s something around this school, that’s why it’s spreading like it is… We just don’t know why it’s latching onto Abigail in particular. He thinks once we figure that out, we can figure out how to get rid of it. And he thinks that Abigail _knows_ why it chose her and just isn’t telling him.” 

Mikey took the information in slowly. It made sense, at least. “Yeah, I mean… Why would the literal fuckin’ devil bother fucking around with some teenagers?” Mikey shook his head slightly. He put out his cigarette in the grass. 

“Pick that up.” Ray spoke without thinking. Mikey blinked at him. “I’m serious, Mikey. That’s gross.” 

Mikey sighed, scooping up the butt. “What do you want me to do with it, then?” With a roll of his eyes, Ray was taking the remainder of the cigarette and pressed it into his pocket. 

“Anyways,” Ray continued. “We’re still not 100% sure… But Gerard is sort of comparing it to like… You know that story of the visions of Mary in Portugal?” 

Mikey nodded. “Our Lady of Fatima… It was the three cousins. They were kids and they saw Mary, and claimed she told them of a Miracle to come… Then there was the Miracle of the Sun, where a bunch of people saw the sun moving and shit.” He had heard the story enough times from Gerard. 

“Yeah.” Ray nodded. “Basically, he thinks it could be an evil version of that.” 

Mikey had to let out a little laugh. “Well, fuck. He’s gonna drag us through the fuckin’ ringer with this one, isn’t he?”  
  
They rounded the corner to the other side of the school. Ahead of them was a gorgeous blooming garden, spreading out over what must’ve been at least three acres. Ray let out a low whistle. Mikey gave him a little nudge. “Shit, man. Did you know this was here?” He shook his head in response. With a grin, Mikey hooked his arm around Ray’s, dragging him towards it. 

“Hey, man… Are we allowed…?” 

Mikey shrugged. “What’s the worst that could happen. Besides, it’s not gated.” And it smelled _amazing_ in there. Already, the scent of blooming flowers filled his nose. The front of the garden was lined by magnolia trees - bright pink flowers greeting them. Mikey reached up to brush his fingers along one of the petals. 

“Cherry blossoms?” 

“Magnolias. They’re good for anxiety reduction.” And with that, Mikey was plucking one of the petals, bringing it towards his lips before Ray was slapping it out of his hand. 

“Dude, no.” There was a hint of laughter bubbling on his lips. That made Mikey smile.  
  
“C’mon man. We could all use some of these.” He teased lightly, giving Ray a little grin. “They look delicious.” Mikey attempted to eat another one, which Ray was quick to pluck out of his hand.

“How about we don’t ransack the garden for food?” 

Mikey pouted, rolling his eyes. “Boring.” But still, he turned to continue deeper into the garden. The sun was warm, and Mikey felt good there. Ray trailed closely behind him - occasionally falling back a few steps to eye a flower or bush. 

“You know, if you wanna pick something… I won’t tell.” Mikey offered. Ray laughed softly. 

“I’ll have to come back later. I don’t have any of my stuff.” None of the cute little jars or vials Mikey liked to poke around in. Everything always smelled _so good._ It was no surprise that Ray always smelled amazing.  
  
“What is your favourite plant, anyways?” Mikey questioned curiously. It was a subject he had never really approached with Ray. “Like, what is the coolest plant in the whole world?” 

Ray puzzled over that one for longer than Mikey expected. Truthfully, he imagined Ray would have the answer ready on the top of his chest. But, for the rare occasion, Mikey was patient. Busying himself with kneeling down beside a rose bush, curiously poking at one of the thorns. 

“Angelica.” Ray finally answered. 

“Who?” 

“Angelica, it’s a plant.” Ray let out a little laugh. 

“Oh.” Mikey nodded. “She sounds hot.” He answered easily. “What’s special about her?” 

Ray didn’t miss a beat with the pronouns, seemingly slightly amused. “Well, she’s a flowering plant… mostly found in China but… You know, it’s-” Mikey cleared his throat. “ _She’s_ kinda everywhere now. She’s good for protection and healing. I use her in most of our warding spells.” Ray explained. “She’s just, you know, overall pretty useful.” 

“And she’s hot.”  
  
“And she’s hot.” Ray agreed. “What about you? Do you have a favourite plant?”

There was no hesitation when Mikey said. “Mary-Jane.” 

Ray paused, and then sighed. “Yeah, alright, I should’ve seen that one coming… Second favourite?” 

Mikey hummed, thinking that one over. Truthfully, he hadn’t really thought about what his favourite plant would be before. Nor his favourite flower. Has anyone ever bought him flowers? “Strawberries,” Mikey decided not long after. “They’re the best berry.” 

“You know strawberries aren’t _actually_ berries, right?” 

Mikey did not know that. “Bullshit. It’s in the name.” 

Ray shrugged. “I know. But… Botanically speaking, they’re… Technically not berries.” 

Mikey balked at the very suggestion. “No, no way… That’s so stupid. That’s like calling a tomato a fruit level of bullshit. Like, yeah it’s technically true or whatever but you’re not gonna include tomatoes in your fruit salad. Strawberries may not technically be a berry, but are you gonna leave them out of the… mixed berry smoothie because of it? No, absolutely not.” 

The explanation earned a warm laugh from Ray. Mikey felt a spark of pride blooming in his chest. He hadn’t spent much time alone with Ray since they had hit the road. Back at the shop, they’d frequently have their private mornings together where they’d both come in early so Ray could get Mikey’s hair done up for him and they’d spend that time chatting and joking together. Back then, Ray’s ardent laughter had become commonplace. Something that was shared between the two of them, and something Mikey didn’t treasure as much as he should have. Now, he committed himself to remembering the sound. He didn’t know when he’d get a chance to hear it again. 

“If you wanted, you _could_ add bananas to your berry smoothie.” 

“You’re a god damned criminal, Toro.” 

Ray held up his hands in defense. “Hey, I’m just _saying._ Don’t shoot the messenger.” 

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Botanists are annoying.” He decided, and made sure that opinion was known by the only botanist he knew.  
  
Ray, however, didn’t seem too put off by the fact. Keeping close to Mikey’s side as they continued to trail through the garden. “Oh, hey. Do you know what these are?” Ray brushed his fingers to Mikey’s elbow, guiding him to a tall bush with yellow flowers. It was one Mikey had definitely seen before, but not that he could name off the bat. “Honeysuckles.” Ray answered, when Mikey didn’t. “Magic wise, they’re not really used for much… They’re nice in tea, though.” Ray reached for the flower, delicate as he plucked one of them off the bush. “And what’s fun about these…” Mikey watched as Ray brought the lower end of the bud to his lips. He held it there for a moment, before dropping the leftover flower. “You can drink the nectar.” 

Now _that_ got Mikey’s attention. Eager, he reached for the flower and pulled - only to pull the petals away from the bud. “Shit.” He sighed. 

“Here-” Ray reached for another one, carefully pulling it from the bush. He held it towards Mikey - evidently waiting to place it in his hand. Mikey only parted his lips instead. 

“Seriously?” Ray questioned. 

“Mhm.” With a roll of his eyes, Ray accepted his fate. He pressed the end of the flower to Mikey’s lower lip. He was hesitant. There was a small tremble to his fingers that Mikey hadn’t noticed before. Ray was careful to avoid catching his upper lip with his knuckles; as though he were afraid to touch him.  
  
Mikey poked out the tip of his tongue, catching the bottom of the flower and tasting the sweet nectar. It was faint, but sugary nonetheless. As soon as Mikey had a taste, Ray pulled his hand back. “They should make these things bigger.” Mikey commented. “Or sweeter.” 

“I think it’s sweet enough.” Ray answered. His cheeks had turned the faintest bit pink. 

It must’ve been the sun. 

“So, does this mean you’ll let me eat plants in here?” 

Ray sighed dramatically. “ _Maybe._ No promises.”

“Alright, alright…” Mikey paused by a bush of - at least what he thought - was blueberries. “Okay, you have to let me eat these ones.” 

Before he could even touch the berry, Ray was at his side and gripping his wrist to stop him. “Absolutely-fucking-not. That’s belladonna.” 

Mikey blinked. “... She sounds hot.”

“She sounds poisonous, actually.” Ray squinted, cupping his fingers gently around a couple of the berries to look closer. “I can’t believe they actually have them here… These are dangerous.” 

“What does she do?” Mikey pouted. 

“She can cause hallucinations-” Ray started, only to be quickly cut off by Mikey. 

“Hallucinations?” Mikey lit up. “Oh _c’mon._ Let me try _one._ Please?” 

Ray met his eye, no longer having the hint of amusement about his face. Mikey felt his heart slip down into the bottom of the stomach. He hated that look on Ray’s face. 

“Hey…” Mikey swallowed. “I…” 

“Don’t eat strange plants, Mikey.” There was a tremble to his words. One that made Mikey want to hold onto him. So, he did. Fingers curling around Ray’s biceps to settle him. “And don’t wander.” He added. “Not… Not out here.” 

He remembered what happened then. The memory of forgetting was a strange one to reflect on. And frankly, Mikey tried to forget that that event had even happened in the first place. But he couldn’t help the way the looks on his friends faces would creep up on him in the middle of the night. The way he could see the moment each and every one of their hearts broke when he couldn’t recall who they were, and yet, in that moment, he could hardly even care. He had been so _scared._ Mikey would never admit it outloud, but he was still scared. Every day, he was scared. He was terrified he’d wake up again and not know who he was, or where he was, or who any of them were again. 

He wished he could forget how that time felt. That when Ray scrubbed the curse off of him, the memories of it went with it. 

“M’not going anywhere.” Mikey promised. Even if he didn’t fully believe it. 

“Mikey…” It didn’t look like Ray believed it either. He took a deep breath. “You…” He was holding himself back. Mikey could tell that much. 

“You can tell me.” 

“Last night.” His voice was so small. So much softer and quieter than Ray already was. “I really… I really thought it was going to happen again. Like… What I did… That it was temporary.” His words were forced, like he had to drag them up and out of himself. Mikey regretted asking him to speak, because frankly, he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to hear about the hurt he had put his friends through. Not only because of that selfish part of himself that insisted he had it worse. No, Mikey didn’t want the guilt that came with it.  
  
And looking at Ray right now. Feeling the unsteadiness in his arm. Looking him in the eyes and seeing, perhaps for the first time, that special terrible glint that only comes from being _terrified._ Mikey could only feel himself suffocating. His chest heavy, breaths feeling just as forced. “Ray.” It was about the only thing he could push past his lips. 

Ray didn’t seem willing to speak either. Instead, he pulled away from Mikey. Mikey’s fingers flexed, fighting against the urge to chase him as Ray stood up. “It’s okay.” Ray insisted, his voice only the slightest bit more even by then. “You’re okay. And… It’s not going to happen again.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything. 

“It’s not going to happen again.” Mikey, too, was trying to convince himself of that fact. With shaky knees, he stood up next to Ray. Then, he was standing against Ray. Arms wrapped around his middle in a tight embrace that took Ray a moment to react to. But, he ultimately curled his arms around Mikey. Not quite as tight, but protective. Encompassing him and concealing him away from the rest of the world. Mikey pressed his nose into his shirt, breathing in the faint scent of pine - and something else Mikey couldn’t identify. But it was enough. Enough for him to close his eyes and sink away from everything else. Away from the garden, away from the school, away from the curse that seemed to be plaguing him as well, away from the memories he wished he could forget, away from the stubborn ache in his chest, away from Frank, away from the ghost of who he used to be. All of it melting away into pine, ash, and the feeling of Ray’s beating heart against his ribs. 

* * *

He woke up to the note from Mikey, and while he was upset that he had missed him, Gerard didn’t let himself fret. Reminding himself that Mikey was with Ray, which ultimately meant that he was safe. So, he decided to not linger on it, and instead, got about his day. 

Now, with a theory, the next move was to go and meet Abigail again. If he could gather some more information out of her, it could help them narrow things down. And so, he dressed and began on his way to the infirmary. It was halfway there he was stopped by Father Roth. 

“Father Way,” the Father greeted. “I was just looking for you.” Gerard didn’t know why, but somehow, that made him nervous. 

“What can I do for you?” Gerard questioned. 

“I was wondering if you had any updates about your research. Or if you had any questions I could answer.” The question was gentle, but prodding enough. In the moment, Gerard immediately decided that he wouldn’t disclose anything about what was happening to Mikey. He didn’t want Father Roth to get involved with that. 

“We’ve been doing our research, and we have a couple of theories. I was actually just about to go check in with Abigail.” 

Father Roth smiled. Giving a little bow of his head. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to join you, Father. Surely you understand… I’d like to be involved in your process.” Gerard didn’t like it, truth be told. Not when he didn’t yet know what he was dealing with. Not when he was working on gaining Abigail’s trust, especially when it seemed to him like she didn’t have much trust in Father Roth. This was going to be interesting. 

“Of course, Father.” He didn’t have the confidence to turn him down; at least, not right now. He didn’t imagine it would do well for the desire to poke around the schools archives _just in case._

He walked a step behind Father Roth as they made their way towards the infirmary. “It’s really an amazing school you have here.” Gerard noted, filling the space between them. “The grounds are beautiful. I wish I had gone to a place like this when I was a kid.” Gerard wondered then, if that had been the case, would he have still turned out the way he did? Would he still have turned to God? 

“Where did you go to school, if I might ask?” 

“Oh, nowhere special. Just a normal public school in New Jersey.” Gerard explained easily. His hands tucking into his pockets as they walked. “Nowhere nearly as grand as this place, that’s for sure. The girls are lucky to be here.” 

“Well, thank you. I appreciate your… Sentimentality, Father Way.” Gerard didn’t know how to interpret that in the slightest. But, he wouldn’t linger on it. Turning into the infirmary and heading straight towards Abigail’s bed on the far end of the room. 

“Father Way-” She straightened up, only to have her shoulders drop when she saw Father Roth follow in behind him. “And Father Roth. It’s nice to see you both.” She paused a moment, then, unable to hold herself back she asked - “Did you talk to Rachel?” 

Gerard frowned a little at that. “I… tried. And I’m going to keep trying. You didn’t warn me about how stubborn she is, Abigail.” Gerard gave her what he could in the form of a half-smile, although Abigail didn’t return it. He took up the seat beside her bed again and pulled out his notebook. “I wanted to ask you more about your dreams, if that’s alright.” 

Abigail looked to Father Roth - expectant. Gerard followed her gaze for a moment, just in time to watch the Father dip his chin the slightest bit. 

“I had another dream last night.” Abigail started. “It was Lucifer again… It… It was pretty much the same as my last dream… The voices… The fire.” 

Gerard nodded, clearing his throat. “But you still… Haven’t seen him. Right? Lucifer?” Abigail shook her head. “... I have a theory, Abigail… That it might not be Lucifer himself reaching out to you.” He explained slowly. “I believe that what is happening _is_ happening.” He was sure to emphasize. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like she was being belittled or disbelieved. “But, I think we may be dealing with a different entity. And once I figure out what that entity is… I can work on getting it to stop. Okay?” 

“It’s Lucifer.” She spoke with such conviction. Yet, her voice threatened to crack. A hole carved it’s way into Gerard’s chest. 

“Abigail…” 

“If she claims it is him, I believe her.” That response from Father Roth surprised him, as much as it frustrated him. 

Gerard pursed his lips. “Just…” Gerard let out a sigh. “Humour me, please?” He asked, and Abigail turned her gaze again to Father Roth, before she spoke. 

“It’s Lucifer.” She repeated. “It has to be him…” 

Gerard had hoped it would go better than this - but it was clear enough now. For whatever reason, Abigail wasn’t going to open up in front of Father Roth. He pursed his lips, letting out a little sigh. “Alright.” He relented. “Then, I suppose I have to work on a new theory and… Do some more research?” He glanced at Father Roth and… Well, perhaps this wasn’t the most ethical way around the issue, but would he not be more inclined to let Gerard do what he needed to do if he asked in front of Abigail? Gerard cleared his throat. “Father Roth, if possible… Do you think me and my team could look into the schools archives?” 

The question evidently took him by surprise. The arch to his brows. The moments pause as he considers the request. For a moment, Gerard really did believe he was going to say _no._ “I don’t see how it might be of any use to you,” He concluded. “But I don’t see why not.” 

Gerard relaxed a little. Maybe the school had nothing to hide. At least, nothing to hide that Father Roth seemed to know about. “Thank you, Father.” He looked back to Abigail. “In that case, I don’t think I have any updates for you. But I’ll get working on this as soon as I can.” Another pause. “And I’ll try talking to your sister again.” He offered gently. Abigail smiled softly at that. 

“Thank you, Father Way. I really do appreciate it.” 

“Anything I can do to help.” Gerard answered, tucking his notebook back into his pocket as he stood. “I think we’d like to get at the archives then, Father Roth. If you’d give me a minute to get the guys…” 

Father Roth nodded. “I’ll send Sister Edith to escort you to the archives.” He explained, placing his hand on Gerard’s shoulder to steer him from the infirmary. Gerard turned his head, catching a final glance towards Abigail before leaving. “I need you to focus, Father Way. We don’t know how much longer the girls have.” There was a sense of urgency. The hand on his shoulder tightening. “Don’t get distracted by your little demon theories. We _know_ it’s Lucifer.” 

Gerard opened his mouth, ready to counter, but he shut it soon after. No, they didn’t know it was Lucifer. And Gerard certainly didn’t believe it anymore, but it wasn’t his place to argue that. It wouldn’t be productive at _all_ for him to argue that. 

“My apologies, Father Roth. But I promise, I know what I’m doing. I just need you to trust me.” 

“I do.” His grip eased. “I have some work to do myself, I’m sure you understand. Sister Edith will be along to collect you soon.” 

Gerard nodded, offering his hand out to Father Roth to shake. The Father’s hand was cold to the touch. “Thank you, Father Roth.” Gerard gave a little bow of his head. “This will all be over soon. I promise.” 

“Yes, I do hope it will.” 

Gerard stood still for a moment, watching the retreating figure of Father Roth until he rounded a corner, before he was starting off on heading back to the rooms. 

“Oh, hey.” Inside his and Mikey’s room were Mikey, Ray, and Bob. A sudden rush of relief passed over him at seeing Mikey again. In a moment, Gerard was by his side - brushing his bangs off of his face. “Are you feeling better today?” 

Mikey gave a little nod, and a glance to Ray. “Yeah. I’m okay.” 

Gerard tilted his head. His eyes speaking in words only Mikey could understand. _Are you sure?_

 _Promise._ Mikey said back. _It doesn’t even hurt anymore._

And that was good enough for Gerard, at least. He dropped his hand, giving the tips of Mikey’s fingers a squeeze. “Where are Frank and Brian?” 

“Frank’s still passed out.” Bob explained. “And Brian went to go grab us some food. Figured we’d get some more research done today.” 

Ray, who Gerard only now noticed was poking around his kit, spoke up. “They have a garden on the grounds… It’s gorgeous. Lots of herbs I don’t have yet… I was going to go collect some samples.” He paused a moment. “If that’s not a sin, Father.” 

Amusement briefly flooded him. “It’s not a sin if you don’t get caught… Don’t tell Frank I said that.” 

“Don’t tell Frank you said what?” He was at the door then, stretching his arms above his head and pulling his shirt up just over his stomach. The birds etched onto his hips drawing Gerard’s eyes and settling to flutter in the pit of his stomach. 

“Nothing.” Gerard answered all too quickly. 

“He said it’s not a sin if you don’t get caught.” 

A gasp escaped him. _“Mikey!”_ Gerard hissed, giving his brother a nudge in the ribs. 

“Huh.” Frank hummed, a smirk slowly stretching across his face. “Then you might want to watch where you stare, _Father._ ” 

He felt a red-hot heat rise up on his cheeks then, his gaze immediately averting away from Frank. He didn’t have to look to feel Mikey rolling his eyes next to him. “Anyways-” Gerard cleared his throat. “I went to see Abigail… Father Roth came with me and… I think he might be… Coaching her, like he’s trying to convince _her_ that it’s Lucifer she’s having dreams about.” 

“And you still don’t think it is?” Bob questioned. Gerard shook his head. 

“Now, I’m starting to wonder if Father Roth knows more than he lets on. He said something to me about the girls not having a lot of time left. And he was telling me not to get distracted by my ‘demon theories.’” He pushed a hand through his hair. “He is letting us go see the archives, though. Sister Edith is coming to take us there soon.” 

“That must mean he has nothing to hide, right?” Ray questioned. 

“Or he is going to hide something now.” Frank pointed out. 

“I’m not really sure.” Gerard confessed. “Surely, if something is missing we should be able to figure it out… But…” He shrugged. “They’re very firm about the Lucifer theory.” He gave Mikey’s hand another squeeze before he was going to collect some of his own books. “I imagine we’ll be down there awhile. We can keep looking through our stuff while we search through the archives.” 

The rest of them seemed to agree. Ray put his kit stuff away to pick up a handful more books before Sister Edith arrived - Brian following shortly behind her. The walk to the archives was relatively silent, save for Bob filling in Brian with low whispers and Mikey and Frank covering up anything they might be saying by exchanging their own laughter about who knows what. 

Sister Edith led them out of the castle and around the back of the building, towards another smaller building - almost appearing like a stonework shed. “This is the annex.” She explained. “It used to be a stable, when the castle was first book. All of the old records are kept here. Anything beyond the last five years will be in here.” She opened up the door, reaching in to pull a chain and click on a light. 

The place was dusty - clearly, not a place frequently visited. And by the looks of it, Father Roth hadn’t entered either. The walls were lined with filing cabinets each coated in varying levels of dust. In the center of the room with a wooden table and a handful of chairs which all looked about ready to fall apart. 

Brian stepped in first, setting down the collection of breakfast food on the table. “Thank you, Sister Edith. I think we got it from here.” 

She seemed hesitant to leave them alone. Gerard watched the minute changes in her expression with curiosity, briefly, wondering she would say _no._ But, before he could implore her that it would be fine, she gave a nod. “If you need any help, feel free to come find me.” 

When the door shut, Brian spoke immediately. 

“So, Father Roth doesn’t want to listen to you?” He asked Gerard immediately. A tired sigh left him then. “They bring you here for you to help, and then tell you what to do? Clearly, they don’t know what they’re doing. If they did, they wouldn’t have us here.” His frustration was one echoed by Gerard. 

“I know. I don’t get it either. But I don’t want us to get kicked out of here either.” He settled down into one of the chairs. It creaked beneath his weight, but held together. “No one’s been in here for a long time.”  
  
“Clearly,” Mikey clicked his tongue, using his sleeve to wipe off the corner of the table before perching himself on it and picking up one of Gerard’s books. Frank began poking around the filing cabinets. 

“Which means this shit is probably all useless.” He huffed, blowing away a smudge of dust, before opening up one of the drawers. “Just a bunch of report cards from one of the first classes.” 

“Hey, we don’t know what’s here… Just keep looking. Start with… What year was it? 1973? When it became a girls school. I don’t think the boys are going to be of much interest to us.” 

Frank let out a laugh at that. Gerard glared at the back of his head. “Mikey, Ray, and I will keep looking through the books. Frank, Brian, Bob… Start sorting through the records. Anything at all interesting you find, set it aside. We’ll see what we’re looking at.” 

“Are you going to keep running with the Lucifer theory?” It was Mikey that asked it, his voice a little quieter then. Gerard gave a little shrug of his head. 

“Not anymore than I have to.” 

And so, they set about their work. The squeezing sound of filing cabinets opening and closing filling the room along with the steady sounds of pages turning. On occasion, something would come up - something that was just _so close_ but crumbled apart as a viable connection the second they started to analyze it a little bit closer. Gerard hated to admit it, but he was hitting a wall. With no connections in the past, and nothing in his books to lean on - he was really beginning to feel like he was out of his element. And he couldn’t help the unfortunate thought in the back of his head that the girls were faking it for whatever reason. Maybe to get out of classes? Maybe just for the _fun_ of it, if they could possibly consider it fun? He didn’t like the thought. He didn’t like to think that Abigail was playing him, that she was able to look so scared over _nothing_ \- but what if it was true? Because nothing else he could possibly think of was making any sense, and he heavily doubted that they were dealing with Satan himself- 

“Want a smoke?” It was Mikey again. Speaking so quietly, Gerard almost didn’t hear him over the sound of Bob yanking a stubborn drawer open. 

No, he really didn’t want a smoke, exactly. But he did want to get outside for a minute - so, he gave a nod, pushing up from his chair. “We’re just taking a smoke break.” Mikey announced to the group. Frank looked like he was about to ask to join, before him and Mikey shared a look, and Frank ducked his head again. He did toss Mikey a lighter, in any case. 

Mikey shut the door gently behind the two of them, leaning back against the cool stone. “Fuck, you can’t breathe in there.” He noted with a sigh, pressing a smoke into Gerard’s palm, before bringing one to his own lips and lighting it. The lighter was handed to Gerard next. 

“I know.” He agreed, taking a long drag from his own cigarette. The smoke felt like it was cleaning out his lungs. He exhaled slowly, watching the smoke and dust dissipate into the air. 

“You were thinking pretty hard though.” It was a question. Gerard nodded. 

“Do you think they’re faking it?” 

Mikey scoffed. “Are you fucking serious? What, you think my head broke for fun?” 

Gerard paled. Shit, how the hell could he have forgotten about that. “Mikey I…” 

Mikey pursed his lips. Gerard didn’t need his secret language to know that he was pissed off now. “Yeah, whatever, man.” He flicked his ash annoyingly close to Gerard’s pants. “They’re not faking it. You _know_ they’re not faking it.” _I’m not faking it._

“I know.” His voice was quiet. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Mikey wouldn’t meet his gaze. And Gerard knew exactly why. He’d break if he did. If there was a person Mikey couldn’t stay mad at for long, it was him. And all it would take was one look at the regret in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Gerard tried again. Mikey let out a sigh. 

“I know.” Then, he continued. “Then, do you have any more ideas? Because you still don’t think it’s Lucifer, do you?” 

Gerard nodded. “No, no definitely not… I feel like if it was him, things would be a lot worse than they are. And things are already bad.” He chewed his lip thoughtfully. “I just wonder why Father Roth is so attached to the idea of it being Lucifer… You think it would be better for him and the girls you know… if it’s _not._ ” 

“Maybe it’s the sense of importance.” Mikey suggested. It was an angle Gerard hadn’t considered. “You know… You were called by God, and that made you feel good. It gave you a purpose. It made you feel important, like you’re part of something bigger… And then to be chosen by God _and_ the Devil? Wouldn’t that make you doubly important?” 

He scratched the back of his head as he thought it over. “Yeah. I guess so… I wonder if this was summoned then…” 

“Like if Father Roth _wanted_ this to happen?” Mikey lowered his voice, his eyes growing a little bit wider. 

“It would make sense. With your theory… And it would explain how calm he is. And how he wants me to stay on the Lucifer idea… He wants us to figure it out. To confirm it so the Vatican finds out that… Lucifer chose one of his students? Why the students? Why not him?” 

“Maybe it’s easier to control that way. If he keeps himself a step back. Like Luke with Frank.” 

Gerard hated how much sense it all made. “So, Father Roth… He’s called up Lucifer. He’s holding him over the girls and… He must’ve converted against the Church then, isn’t it?” Gerard thought aloud. “He’s trying to make a spectacle of it. And… He must have an end goal. Something to shove this all in the Vatican’s face, to stand by Lucifer’s side?” 

“He’s going to kill them.” 

It was so blank - so empty and simple and true. Gerard felt it in his chest, and all of a sudden, he felt the urge to vomit. That had to be it, didn’t it? The unfortunate truth is that Abigail and all of the other girls were going to be sacrificed to the Devil himself in some sick game played by the man they’re supposed to trust. 

He pushed out his cigarette on the stone, heading right back into the room. 

“We have to beat the Devil.” Three pairs of eyes turned to him in shock. “Mikey- fuck, he figured it out. It’s Lucifer. It’s Lucifer and Father Roth.” 

By evening, they didn’t have much of a plan yet. Ray was heading back to the garden with Frank and Bob to collect samples and begin work on a protection spell they could give to Mikey and the girls. Their research in the archives came up with nothing, which was expected once they put things together - but Gerard had doubled-down on his research into the Devil. Although, he couldn’t find a proven case of Satan ever directly interacting with humans beyond the Bible, which wasn’t making this easy. 

“And you’re sure about this?” Brian asked him for what must’ve been the fifth time that hour. 

“I don’t know what else it could be. I’m sure, Brian.” 

“Okay. Okay.” Brian held up his hands in defense. “I just… I want us to be sure. Lucifer is kinda… Bigger than anything we’ve ever dealt with before. Should we get the Cardinal involved?” 

“I was going to call him once we got protection for the girls. I don’t want Roth to find out and act sooner than planned because the Vatican is on the way. We need to protect them first.” Gerard would stay firm on that. 

“You should get some sleep then.” Mikey insisted. Which was probably because he was already looking exhausted. Like the same exhaustion from when they first arrived was creeping up on him. He was sitting on the edge of Gerard’s bed, and Gerard sat next to him. 

“You can sleep. I’m just going to wait for Frank, Ray, and Bob.” He offered. Mikey accepted readily, laying down so his knees dangled off the edge of the bed and his head rested on Gerard’s thigh. A hand immediately curled into his hair. “We’ll be okay.” Gerard said to Brian. “If you want to get some sleep too…” 

“I’m going to keep researching.” Brian settled. “But… Mikey’s right. Get some rest, Father.” 

But he waited, at least until Ray, Frank, and Bob returned. With Bob going back to his room with Brian and Ray and Frank opting to curl onto Mikey’s bed, while Gerard shifted as quietly and carefully as he could to properly share his own bed with Mikey. It all felt safer that way - cramped together like they were in the van. Gerard managed to sleep, uneasily at best, until he was startled awake by a knock at the door. 

“Father Way-” A voice called from the other side. One that took him a moment to place. “Father Way, are you awake?” The nurse from the infirmary. Gerard couldn’t recall her name. 

“Gee?” Frank’s groggy voice rang out in the dark. “Whas goin’ on?” 

“Sh,” Gerard hushed him gently, pulling himself out of bed to head to the door, opening it up a hair. “Hello?” 

“Oh, Father Way-” She began immediately. “I’m so, so sorry to wake you it’s just - it’s Abigail. She woke up and she’s been begging to see you. Please, you have to come quickly.” 

“Of course.” Gerard nodded quickly. “Just, just give me one minute.” He shut the door gently behind him, turning to mutter a summary of what he was told to Frank as he pulled on his shirt and collar. He didn’t bother changing out of his sweatpants, for the meantime. 

“Shit-” Frank groaned, sitting up and nudging Ray awake. “Get outta here, man. We’ll wait.” Frank insisted, and with a nod, Gerard was heading out the door. 

He ran alongside the nurse through the school - breathless, by the time they finally arrived at the infirmary. Abigail was sitting up in bed, looking a little on the paler side, but otherwise okay. “I came as soon as I could. Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Gerard questioned quickly. 

Some colour returned to her face then, a light blush. “I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to scare you.” She dropped her gaze to her lap. “It’s… I have a question for you, Father Way.” 

Gerard furrowed his brows, still collecting his breath as he pulled up the chair next to her bed again. “Of course… What is it?” 

She picked at her nails, chewing on her lip. “Who…” She let out another breath. “When you were confirmed, what was the name you chose?” 

The question confused him as much as it surprised him. She needed to see him right here, right now, for this? He rubbed his eyes, exhaustion beginning to set in as he talked to her. “Uh, well… St Jeanne d’Arc.” Gerard answered, lowering his voice a little as he said it. He was about to duck his own gaze away from her, but the moment the name tumbled off his lips, her eyes were wide and her attention snapped up to him. 

“Joan of Arc?” He nodded in confirmation. “I… I had a dream. She was there, Joan of Arc. Mixed in with all of the flames and… I tried calling out to her, and she answered me. She told me she would help me. To trust in her, and she’d show me the _way._ She emphasized it, just like that. She’d show me the _way._ She said it over and over again and… When I woke up, I…” She swallowed thickly. “I knew exactly what I had to ask you, Father. And if I was right… I could trust you.” 

Gerard’s interest piqued at that. “What is it?” 

“It’s…” She seemed hesitant still, beckoning Gerard in closer before she would speak. “It’s Rachel. I… I don’t know what… What’s going on but… Whatever it is, I think… I think it’s her. She… She’s always been struggling with God and when I told her I wanted to be a nun… She was really angry, Father. And it was that night everything started happening and since then she hasn’t been acting the same and it’s just… It has to be her, Father.” Her eyes had begun to water by then. “But it’s not… It’s not like her, you know? She’s just… She’s a kid and she’s angry and she…” She sniffled. “She’s not herself and… I’m so scared, I don’t… I don’t want her to get in trouble.” 

Gerard shifted closer, placing a hand on her back and hushing her gently. “I promise, I’m not going to get her in any trouble.” Thank God he hadn’t called the Vatican yet. “But… I need you to tell me everything you know, and then I can help her. Okay? She’s not going to get in trouble, and neither are you.” 

She sobbed, shaking fingers reaching to pull him closer. Gerard went willingly, letting her cry onto his shoulder. “It’s okay.” He continued to mutter. “It’s okay. I got you, and I’m going to help you.” 

“I don’t know what she’s doing,” Abigail confessed softly. “But… I know it’s her, she’s been… She’s been acting strange ever since. She’s always been… She’s never been super friendly, but never as angry as she’s been. S-Something is… Something is seriously wrong, F-Father. She needs help.” 

Gerard nodded. “I’m going to help her.” He promised. “She… She just, she won’t listen to me but-” _But._ That was all important. “I’ll figure it out, Abigail. I’ll keep her safe… No one will ever know it was her.” 

Abigail sniffled against his shoulder, fingers curling into the starched fabric of his sleeves. “She always struggled with God, and when I told her I wanted to become a nun… She got so mad at me, Father. I think… I think whatever happened it was because of that-” And she let out another sob. “S’all my fault.” 

“No, no,” Gerard muttered softly. “It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault.” He wanted to make sure she knew that. “It’s all going to be okay, Abigail. I’m going to help you, and I’m going to help her.” 

She leaned back from his shoulder then, bloodshot, tear stained eyes staring up at him with nothing but fear. “Will God forgive her, Father?” 

Gerard held no hesitation when he nodded. “If you forgive her, so will He.” His voice was so delicate, smooth as silk as he wrapped her in the best comfort he could provide. 

He stayed with her until she was able to ease off back to sleep. Then, he was rushing back to the room, finding Ray, Frank, and Mikey all sitting up and awake. 

“Well?” Frank asked, before he could even collect his thoughts. Everything Abigail told him tumbled out in a rush - how it was Rachel all along, doing something - summoning something, it seemed - how or what was yet to be determined, but they needed to help her - 

He turned to Mikey then. Eyes wide with realization. “Mikes, you… You have to talk to her.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, she…. You know, she won’t listen to me because I’m like Abigail. She feels like she’s being abandoned by her sister, like she’s going to lose her… You’ve been in a similar position. And I didn’t abandon you. You can tell her about it, Mikey. You can tell her it’s all going to be okay.” 

Mikey’s face paled - and an unreadable expression crossed his features. “I can’t.” He said flatly. 

Gerard furrowed his brows in confusion. “What?... What do you mean you can’t?” 

Mikey’s jaw tensed. “I can’t do it, Gerard. You’ll have to find another way to deal with it.” 

He felt about ready to tear out his own hair. “There isn’t another way to do this, Mikey. Those girls are scared. They’re in _trouble_. Why can’t you talk to her? You talk to everyone else!” 

He still couldn’t read Mikey - it was such a strange feeling. Looking at him and not being able to understand what was going on inside of his head. “Because I said _no._ Drop it.” 

He looked to Frank for help, but Frank wasn’t looking at him. His gaze was on Mikey, who wasn’t looking at anyone. “This is stupid.” Gerard snapped. He needed to protect Abigail. He needed to save Rachel. It _had_ to be Mikey. He could feel it. “Mikey, this is bigger than you-” 

“No! I’m not fucking talking to her about this, Gerard!” 

“But why not?” 

“Because I fucking said so! So drop it!” 

“I can’t _drop it,_ there are kids in trouble, Mikey. I need your help! This is what you signed up to do!” 

Mikey was standing then - a breath heaving in his chest as that same unreadable expression was melting into anger. “I didn’t fucking sign up to talk to some bratty kid about her emotional problems! So shut the _fuck_ up about it.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Gerard snapped back. 

“Gerard-” Frank tried his best to interrupt. Gerard didn’t listen. 

“What the hell has gotten into you, Mikey? What, you’re just gonna be a selfish ass now? You’re the only one who could be able to tell her that it’s going to be okay, because she’s not going to listen to me, she’s not going to listen to Abigail. But she’ll listen to _you._ ” He didn’t expect to feel Mikey’s hands against his chest, shoving him back. He stumbled to regain his footing. _“Mikey!”_

He tried to grab at him, but Mikey pulled his arm away - heading right for the door. He slammed it shut behind him. 

A heavy blanket of silence covered over them. The tension in the room unmatched to anything Gerard had experienced within the group before. 

It was Ray who spoke first. “I’ll check on him.” 

Neither him nor Frank made an attempt to stop him. 

“What the hell is his problem?” 

Frank was snapping back at him in an instant - so loud, it took Gerard aback. “What the hell is _your_ problem, man? What the fuck was that?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“He _said_ he didn’t want to talk about it. Why the fuck would you keep pushing him like that?” Frank’s glare wasn’t unfamiliar - but still, it threw him off. 

“He needs to help her, Frank. I don’t get why he can’t talk about it. It’s not like _I_ abandoned him.” 

“But you did.” Frank spoke so flat. It didn’t match the shake in his hands as he stared at Gerard. It didn’t match the anger that swirled in the browns of his eyes. “He was so _fucking_ alone, Gerard.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Frank was shaky. He stepped to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between him and Gerard as possible. “You weren’t there, Gerard. He… He was really sick.” 

Gerard was only left with more questions. “I… I know he used to drink a lot but-” 

He stopped when Frank shook his head. “It wasn’t just drinking, man. He was… He was taking anything he could get his hands on. I was surprised he could walk some days. But… Shit, Gerard. It was fucking bad. You left and he had no one.”  
  
“But our parents-”  
  
“They didn’t give a shit.” Frank answered. “They didn’t pay attention to him, man. He was using and shit and they… They saw him, and they never said a goddamned thing. They didn’t fucking _care._ ” 

Gerard didn’t know what to say. Was there anything he could say? 

“He was bad, man. Really fucking bad. I was into shit too, you know? Not like him but… That’s how I met him. At a fucking club he was working for. Gave me some shit, and we got along alright. We hung out… Drank, smoked…” Frank didn’t elaborate. He shook his head to himself. “Did that shit with him for months, man. Then there was one night… I didn’t think he was gonna wake up.” His voice cracked then. His eyes watering as he spoke. Gerard didn’t notice his own tears until he tasted them on his lips. “That was it for me. I knew… I knew he needed help, and I couldn’t help him unless I got myself cleaned up… So I did. I got myself out of that shit and I brought Mikey with me.” 

There were still no words for it - but there was something swelling up inside of Gerard. A bunch of things, to be fair. Guilt was the most prominent, and following closely behind that was relief - such a relief and thankfulness for Frank that he had never felt before. “Frank-” His own voice cracked, and his whole exterior threatened to shatter. “I… I didn’t… I didn’t know… He never told me.” 

“He hates talking about it.” Frank said quickly, wiping at his own eyes. “It was bad. Fuck, we’re both so lucky Brian took a chance on him. He lost his job, that’s when shit got really bad. He had nothing but me.” 

“You… You saved him.” Gerard spoke softly. “You saved his life.” 

Frank narrowed his eyes. “I wouldn’t have fucking had to if you had been around, Gerard.” 

“I’m sorry-” The words were meant for Mikey, not for Frank, of course. But Gerard moved towards him anyways - itching to get his arms around him. Frank stepped away from him, before he could get too close. 

“Don’t apologize to me.” His voice had returned to the same flat tone - but the anger was still rich in his tone. “I’m fine. I’m not the one who’s left behind-” Something stopped Frank there. Something else on his face that Gerard couldn’t read, but he crumbled then. Another fresh set of tears springing up in his eyes. _“Fuck._ ” Frank groaned to himself, pushing his face into his hands. “He was fine, Gerard. He was fucking _fine_ before you came back.” 

And that was the breaking point. 

He fell to the ground. His legs unwilling to support him anymore. He let out a sob - the guilt finally breaking away and out of his throat. It was his fault. It was his fucking fault. Mikey almost _died_ and it was all his fault. “Fuck.” Gerard hissed between his sobs. He could hear Frank crying too. 

He could barely breathe. Each breath caught on the lump in his throat - and still, he tried to stagger to his knees. “I need- I need to see him.” Gerard insisted - or attempted to. 

“No-” Frank stopped him with his words. “No, fuck off. You leave him the fuck alone.” Frank was almost shouting again. “We- _you_ fucking did this to him. You leave him alone.” 

He settled back onto the ground. 

* * *

The cool night air stopped his lungs from collapsing. 

Tears blurred his vision as he stumbled out onto the grass. The dew was cold on his feet, but at least he was far away. 

“Mikey-” Ray’s voice was distant. But at least it wasn’t Gerard. So, he stopped running and just stood still. His breath was still laboured. But Ray caught up with him, a hand coming to ghost over his back, before Mikey was turning into him entirely - his face pressed into his chest. His fingers curling into his shirt for something solid to hold onto. Ray, as always, was incredibly gentle - his touch feather light as his hands found their place on Mikey’s back. “I got you.” 

He wished it was Gerard. 

No, fuck Gerard. He was mad at Gerard. Gerard left him. He abandoned him and wanted to pretend that he _didn’t._ That was fucked up. Mikey was right to be mad at him. He should be mad at him. 

Gerard didn’t know. He had never told him a god damned thing that he had done. At least, not anymore than he had to. _I used to drink a lot. Sleep around a lot. I dunno. I guess I still do that._ And that was all there was. He was okay, when Gerard came back. He didn’t need to tell him how bad it got. He didn’t want to tell him. He was already so much worse than Gerard, even without that, he didn’t need his brothers _pity_ on top of it all. 

And besides, he was fine, wasn’t he? He was still in one piece - even if that piece was fraying at the seams. He had Frank. No, he didn’t have Frank. Not really. Not how he wanted. He was just another thing for Gerard to take from him. Like he took his parents. Like he charmed his friends enough for them to want to abandon their lives and run away with him. They would’ve left Mikey in the dirt if he hadn’t gone too. _GerardGerardGerardGerard_ \- everything was always about Gerard. Frank stayed with Gerard. Ray followed him. He had Ray, didn’t he? 

He didn’t deserve Ray. 

He took a step back from him. 

“I’m sorry,” Mikey muttered. “I’m… I’m an ass- I should… I should go talk to her-” 

Ray shook his head. “No… Shit, no Mikey… You don’t… If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.” 

It was nice to hear it. Even if he’d rather hear it from Gerard. It made him feel a little less selfish. 

Mikey sniffed, curling his arms around himself. The words falling out of him before he could stop them. “He takes - he takes everything from me. Every fucking thing, Ray. Our parents, Frank, y-you guys. And then he wants me… He wants me to act like it’s all been fucking _fine._ ” Mikey wanted to stop himself - but he couldn’t. The words barreling out of him against his will. “And it sucks, it fucking sucks so bad because I know he doesn’t mean it, he isn’t - he isn’t trying to ruin everything for me but holy fuck. He… He’s so fucking stupid, Ray. He’s so stupid sometimes and it just - I love him, you know that I love him and he’s my brother but I can’t keep… I can’t pretend that he didn’t fucking abandon me and that I was okay during all of that.” 

Ray listened. Which was more than Mikey expected, truth be told. He felt like an idiot. 

“I… I wanna say I understand but… I don't think it’s right for me to say that. But… I-I think that… You’re allowed to feel the way you do. And that’s okay.” Ray stepped a little closer. “Let’s take a walk.” Ray offered. “You can keep talking, if you want.” 

“I don’t know.” Mikey muttered, but he followed along with Ray anyway. And he kept talking anyway, too. “It’s just… It’s always been about him. He’s always been so sure of himself. And our parents could see that, I guess. Because they always put everything into _him._ They didn’t care… Never about me. Not like they cared about him. And… I knew that when I was using. When Gerard was gone and I was a fucking mess. And they saw me then. Fuck, you saw me then. You could _tell_ I was on shit. And they never said a goddamned thing. It was still all about fucking _Gerard._ ” 

He was still crying - but anger drove him to keep speaking. He let Ray lead him back towards the garden. “And then there’s Frank. He fucking shows up and has this like, crazy connection with my best fucking friend?” 

“He saved Frank’s life.” Ray reminded him, gentle as always. 

“And ruined it too.” A bitterness slipped out of him then. “He’s just gonna break his heart, Ray. Another fucking thing he took from me.” 

“What do you mean?” His voice was quieter then. Gentler. Mikey froze for a moment, realizing he had said too much. About him and about Gerard and about Frank and the mess that was brewing between the three of them. But then again, this was Ray… And if he could trust anyone with it… It was him. 

“I-” How the hell was he supposed to just say it? “It’s… Frank. I guess. It’s…” Love? Was that what this was? “I can’t… Have him. Not in the way I want him.” 

Ray hummed. “I… See.” He stopped by the honeysuckles again - his gaze on the flowers, instead of on him. The buds had curled shut in the dark. “I’m sorry.” Ray added. 

Mikey shrugged. He wiped at his eyes. “Probably not Gerard’s fault. Frank wouldn’t want me anyways.” A small laugh escaped him. “Fuck, why would he? I’m a fucking - I’m a piece of shit, man.” 

Ray shook his head. But he still wasn’t looking at him. “No, no you’re not, Mikey… You’re…” He took a breath; like he couldn’t think of the words. And maybe there were no words, because it was true what Mikey was saying. “... So brave.” Ray concluded. “And you’re… You’re really strong, you know… I watched you get better. I watched you grow, Mikey and… You’re not a piece of shit.” 

And while it made perfect sense, Mikey found he didn’t have it in him to believe Ray. Not when his chest felt like it was caving in and everything was tumbling apart around him. He felt like he was spiralling again. He felt like he needed a drink. “Do you have a smoke?” At least that would keep his hands and his mouth busy. But Ray shook his head. “Fuck.” Mikey groaned. “I… I want to drink, or… Fuck, I don’t know.” 

The fact seemed to startle Ray, who finally looked back towards Mikey. “Hey… Hey, shit. Mikey it’s… It’s going to be okay, you know that? We’ll… We’ll figure this shit out. You know we always figure this shit out.” 

Mikey pursed his lips - tears still slipping down his cheeks. “I never told him, you know. Gerard… I never told him how… I felt… He didn’t know…” 

Ray shook his head. “No, no Mikey… He shouldn’t have pushed you anyways. You said no. That should’ve been the end of it. The reason why doesn’t matter.” 

It was another time that Mikey wished he could believe Ray so easily, but it was nice to hear. It made the tightness ease up a little in his chest. “You’re a great guy, Mikeyway. This isn’t the end of the world.” 

But it felt like it. Mikey didn’t know how he was going to face Gerard after this. 

“And you know,” Ray continued. “You’re… You seem to be thinking that… That you’re less than Gerard… But you’re not. You’re just… Different. You’re different, but you’re special. You have this ability to know things, to connect with people. People like you. They trust you. They want to know you better. People meet you and… People want to be around you. You’re the whole reason the shop stayed open. You’re the whole reason we’re able to be out here and help people.” 

“Gerard is.” 

Ray shook his head. “No, it’s you. It’s always been about you, Mikey. You’re the glue holding this whole thing together… Like, do you think Brian would’ve picked up and run off with a priest if he wasn’t _your_ brother?” 

Truthfully, Mikey couldn’t say. “Gerard could convince nearly anyone to do anything if he tried hard enough.” He spoke it simply - as if it were an indisputable fact. Mikey had yet to see anything that would prove it otherwise. But Ray was firm on his point. 

“Brian trusts you, which is why he trusts Gerard. Same for Bob. Same for me. Same for Frank. You’re the one that brought us all together. You’re the one at the centre of all of this. Not Gerard.” 

Logically, it made sense. To an extent, at least - but Mikey still couldn’t wrap his head around himself somehow mattering more to _anyone_ more than Gerard did. It just felt so entirely unlikely - so unfamiliar. And apparently, Ray could see that on his face, as he stepped in closer, and just as gently as before, he wrapped his arm around Mikey’s shoulders. “I’d choose you.” His voice wasn’t more than a whisper then - melting into the wind. His chest felt tight again. He tried so hard to believe him. For a moment, he _almost_ did. If only Frank could tell him the same. 

“I can’t see him tonight.” Mikey leaned into him, his head fitting against Ray’s shoulder. 

“You don’t have to.” Ray assured him. “You can come sleep in my room.” He offered. “You can talk to Gerard… Whenever you’re ready.” 

Mikey nodded slowly. “Thanks, Ray.” He was quiet a moment longer. “I’m kinda cold.” 

Ray let out a little laugh. “Yeah. You forgot your shoes.” He nodded, turning Mikey back in the way they came. He kept his arm around Mikey’s shoulders as they walked. “Do you wanna talk more?” Mikey shook his head slowly. 

“I’m all talked out.” He didn’t know what else he really had to say anyways. They’d go back and forth, anyways. Mikey saying he was worthless and Ray insisting he’s not with Mikey ultimately not quite believing him. It would be exhausting for both of them. Mikey yawned - the action forcing him to cry again. What a long night it was going to be. 

When they returned to the room - Mikey almost caved. He could hear him on the other side of the wall. The sobs that were undoubtedly coming from Gerard. Whatever was making him cry like that, Mikey didn’t want to know. Ray led him to one of the beds, before sitting on the other. “Do you need anything else?” His gaze drifted towards the wall that separated them from Gerard. 

“Can I sleep with you?” Mikey asked instead. His eyes wet and hopeful. He didn’t imagine Ray would say no. Mikey had proven he slept better when he could curl up with someone. 

“Sure.” He didn’t sound too pleased, but Mikey wasn’t going to fight him about it. He got up quickly, joining Ray on the bed. They laid together. The fit was a little tight, but Mikey pressed into him. His back to Ray’s chest, with Ray’s arm curled over his chest. Ray always ran on the warmer side, but Mikey could really feel it now. Blanketing him and covering him in a certain security that only Ray’s presence could provide him. 

That security shattered come morning, when he woke up to find Ray slipping out of the room and Gerard standing in the middle of it. “What the f-” 

“Frank.” Gerard filled in the blank before he could finish his question, and it made perfect sense. Leave it to Frank to set up something like this. Gerard didn’t look too crazy about it either. Initially, Mikey found himself rolling over onto his otherside - staring away from Gerard. He didn’t want to do this. He didn’t want to talk about this. He didn’t want to look at him. There was so much _guilt._

“I didn’t know.” His voice was so shaky - like he was afraid Mikey would shatter if he said the wrong thing. “Frank… He…” 

Mikey could fill in those blanks himself too. He sat up then, rubbing his eyes and letting out a sigh. “He told you. He shouldn’t have told you.” 

“I know.” Gerard continued. “But… I didn’t… I needed to know, Mikey. I needed to know to understand-”  
  
“No.” Mikey snapped - his voice flat. “No, you didn’t need to know _shit,_ Gerard. I said no. That should’ve been enough. I shouldn’t have had to give you some tragic backstory of a reason for you to fucking _respect_ me.” 

Gerard took a breath. “You’re right…” He paused a moment. “Mikey, please… Please talk to me.” 

He didn’t want to. Not yet at least, but he was stuck here, and already he could hear Gerard sniffling again. After a moment, Mikey braced himself, turning towards Gerard. “I didn’t want you to know.” 

“Why not?” 

Mikey tensed up, curling in on himself then. His arms wrapping around himself as he took in a deep breath. “You’re… You’re fucking _perfect,_ Gerard. You know, you always had your shit together and… And you knew what you were doing. You became a priest, and you were doing so good and you were… You know, you actually had a fucking plan and- And you left me, and I fucking fell apart. You left and what did I do? I immediately turned into a goddamn junkie and even our parents never cared enough to try and help me… And you know, you know you were gone. And what the fuck was I gonna do? Call you up and say _hey man while you’re gone, I turned into an alcoholic coke addict. So, how's seminary school going?”_ His throat felt tight then - tears building up in the corners of his eyes. Fuck, Mikey didn’t want to cry again. 

But Gerard was on him then, engulfing him in a bear hug. His hands warm and pull Mikey in close. His nose pressing into the crown of Mikey’s head as he cradled him into his chest. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, which was good, because he was pushed so tightly against his brother. He almost didn’t know how to react at first - but a moment later, his hands were coming up - balling into the fabric of Gerard’s shirt as he let out a sob that had built up in his chest. 

“I should’ve been there.” Gerard muttered to him. A low whisper, a regret that Mikey didn’t doubt would haunt him forever. 

“You needed to go.” Mikey assured him. The anger he had melting away. “You… You needed to do this. I needed to find Frank.” He wouldn’t have met Frank otherwise. Would Frank still have gotten that damned tattoo? Or if he had, would he have survived? It was how it had to be, wasn’t it? He sobbed again. 

“Don’t leave me-”  
  
“I won’t leave you-”  
  
The words fell out of them at the same time, and a fresh bout of tears fell from him then. Gerard laughed. “I won’t leave you again.” He concluded. “I’m gonna stick with you, Mikey. No matter what. I’m not leaving you again.” 

He kissed the top of his head, and Mikey clutched him tighter. 

“You can tell me about this, Mikey… You know that.” Mikey swallowed, giving a little nod. 

“I don’t know why I started. I don’t… Really remember. I dunno. I guess I started drinking a lot…” It all started tumbling out of him then. “Then, you know, people would offer me shit. And I just started doing it and… I dunno. It felt good. It made everything easier.” He sniffled. 

He felt Gerard shift, a hand rubbing his back. “We don’t have to do this now, Mikey.” He promised him. “You can wait… Whenever you’re ready.” 

Mikey shook his head slightly. “It… There isn’t much to say. I guess… I dunno. How much did Frankie tell you?” 

“Enough. A lot…” He settled to sit next to Mikey, his arms not parting from him, doing his best to keep as close to him as possible. “He said you were really bad… That he got clean so he could get you clean.” 

And what else was there for Mikey to really say? Other than to sniffle and nod and confirm that he owed Frank everything. He turned into Gerard’s shoulder, sniffling against him. “I can’t tell that girl everythings going to be okay. _I_ wasn’t okay. And if she’s anything like me…” 

“Don’t say that, Mikey.” His voice was so quiet then. “We can figure something else out. We can help her still… We just… We have to be quick. Abigail, she’s been trying to protect her.” 

“She’s like you.” Mikey hadn’t even met the girl, and already, he knew that. He could tell just from the way Gerard talked about her. Just from the way he was so sure of himself in the way he spoke about her, and what he believed she was capable of. “She’s a good sister.” 

Gerard pressed another kiss to the top of Mikey’s head. “I haven’t been the best brother… But I’m gonna do better.” 

Mikey shook his head. “No, stop, don’t… Don’t think this is your fault, Gerard.” His hands curled into fists. His knuckles white. “Really… Please, don’t. Whatever issues I have aren’t because of you. Okay?” 

Gerard’s lip wobbled. He looked on the brink of crying again. “You said I…” 

“I said you needed to go and do your thing. You can’t… You can’t blame yourself for me… I was an adult, okay? I made my own decisions. I did it to myself.” 

“You were just lonely.” 

“Don’t make excuses for me.” Mikey wiped at his eyes. “Please, don’t… Don’t try to make it seem like it was okay. Or that you are somehow to blame for it. That doesn’t help me, Gee.” 

Gerard stiffened next to him - as if taking the blame was all he knew how to do. As if it was the only way he could’ve possibly helped Mikey. He shifted again, pressing himself closing once more. He tucked his head against Mikey’s shoulder then. “You’re brave, Mikeyway. And you’re stronger than you know.” 

Mikey hummed. He didn’t believe it. 

“I don’t think I could be on my own.” Mikey confessed. “Even now… Without… Without Frank, and… All of you, I don’t think-” His voice cracked then, a shaky breath pulled out of him. “I think I’d relapse, even now…” He pressed his nails into his knee, taking a deep breath as he centered himself anew. “Fuck, even some days out here on the road, when it gets too hard… If I wasn’t with you guys I might’ve-” He didn’t let himself finish that sentence. There was too much shame in his voice. Too much disappointment with himself. 

But there was Gerard, who didn’t ease up his grip on him. Gerard, who sniffled against his shoulder. Gerard, who Mikey didn’t even have to look in the eye to know that his brother was feeling just as much pain and guilt about what he had done to himself as Mikey was. Gerard, who Mikey imagined would never quite recover from the realization. And then, somewhere outside of the room was Frank - Frank, who Mikey owed his life too. A fact that slipped his mind more often than it should. And Brian, who in his own way, helped save Mikey too by taking a chance on him. Ray, who had been so patient when Mikey was at his worst. Ray, who helped him get into the groove of the job, and Ray, who was slowly becoming someone Mikey could open himself up to. And there was Gerard again, the ever-present force on his heart. 

Mikey should’ve told him a long time ago. 

“I love you.” Gerard’s voice was a whisper. 

“I love you too.” Mikey answered. “... I’ll talk to Rachel. If you come with me.” 

Gerard swallowed. “Mikes, you don’t have to.” 

“I do.” Mikey nodded. “I do, we both know it. I just… If I’m going to this, Gerard. I need you there with me.” 

He pulled back from Mikey’s neck - chewing his lip thoughtfully. “I don’t know… I don’t know if she’ll talk to me,” 

Mikey shrugged. “Well, we’ll have to figure that out, then - won’t we? … You know, we’re charming. I think we can get her to talk.” Mikey gave him a little nudge to the shoulder. “What do you say?” 

Gerard wiped his eyes. He gave a nod. “Yeah… Yeah, man. Let’s do it… Do you want to get breakfast first?” 

Mikey shook his head. “I wanna get this over with. Before I lose my nerve.” He paused a moment. “She’s outside, I think.” 

Gerard’s brows furrowed. “How do you…? You know what. I’m not gonna ask.” He took a breath, rubbing the tears from his eyes again. “Are you ready for this?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

And to Gerard’s surprise, Mikey found Rachel rather easily. It was earlier than he had thought, and the grounds were still quiet. The students, largely, were likely still in bed judging by the sun only now peeking over the horizon. Mikey led them with confidence - through the garden where they found Rachel kneeling; a knife in hand. 

“Rachel!” Gerard’s voice rang out before Mikey could even process what he was seeing. The blade pressed into her wrist. A flow of red dripping out onto the plants below - fuck, what the hell were they? 

Gerard was acting before Mikey could think. Evidently, making a move to take the knife from her only to find the tip pressed to his chest instead. “I told you to stay away from me.”  
  
His hands raised up in surrender. “Rachel…” 

Mikey’s brain caught up with the rest of him then - his legs moving him closer to the fight that was surely about to ensue. “Rachel-” He spoke gently. Her wrist was still bleeding. There was so much blood. Mikey felt sick. A pain shot through his wrist - in the same place her cut sat. “Rachel,” Mikey tried again. “... Put the knife down, okay? We’re… We’re not going to hurt you.” 

She pressed the knife a little bit closer. Gerard took a small step back, but she followed. “I told you to leave me alone.” She said again. Her voice was cold, but her eyes didn’t match. No, instead, her eyes were filled with a distinct fear - tears had begun to fill them. “Stay back.” 

“Rach-” Gerard started, but Mikey rested a hand on his back, effectively silencing him. 

“We want to help you.” He spoke softly. “We know you’re the one doing this to Abigail.” Really, Mikey had no clue what he was doing. His breath caught in his throat as she pressed forward. Her hand was shaking. Gerard let out a whimper. Mikey kept talking. “You don’t want to do this, Rachel… We… We know you don’t want to do this. Not to Gerard, and not to your sister.” 

“You don’t know me!” She interrupted. 

“You’re right. I don’t know you but… My name is Mikey… I know what this feels like.” His throat felt thick with his words - pushing them laboriously off of his tongue. “Gerard’s my brother. I know what it’s like to… To have your sibling do _this.”_ He motioned vaguely to the collar on Gerard’s neck. “It’s not easy. It’s really, really hard… But… But, you can’t do this. You can’t hurt her because of it, Rachel.” 

Her fingers trembled - her grip faltering. And Mikey saw his opportunity. He went for the knife, pushing it away from Gerard’s chest at the same moment he pushed Gerard back, putting himself between him and Rachel. “Fuck!” She shouted, the knife falling to the ground. Mikey pressed his foot over the blade before she could grab it. 

“You’re bleeding.” Mikey repeated - softer this time. “Let us help you, Rachel.” He reached out, his wrist still aching as he knelt down next to her, a hand coming to her shoulder. 

And the second his fingers met her, she crumpled - a sob ripping out of her chest and squeezing Mikey’s throat so tightly he thought he might crack too. But he didn’t let up, instead, he turned to Gerard. “Gimme your jacket.” 

“Mikey-” He was stunned. 

“Jacket.” Mikey insisted. Gerard slipped it from his shoulders. 

With his jacket in hand, Mikey shifted. Letting go of Rachel and turning slightly away. Only for her to clutch onto him, her face hidden between his shoulder blades. He made no attempts to stop her while he took up the knife using it to press through the fabric and tear off the sleeve. Gerard made a noise of protest, but a look from Mikey stopped him there. 

“I got you.” He muttered quietly, offering the knife to Gerard. He pocketed it, allowing Mikey the safety to turn back to Rachel. Thin arms engulfing her in his embrace. “I got you,” He said again. “Let me see your wrist.” 

She refused at first. A shake of her head offering the decision. “Please?” Mikey questioned again. “I’m gonna wrap it up for you, okay? You’re bleeding a lot.” There was blood all over him by then. Mikey swallowed thickly. “Let me see.” 

“You shouldn’t help me.” Her voice was raw. So different from the anger that filled her before. Mikey felt his heart breaking. 

“Helping people is what we do.” He explained simply. “You’re people… And you don’t deserve to hurt… That’s gotta hurt.” He knew it did. He could feel his own wrist starting to throb. That must’ve been a deep one. She’d have to go see the nurse, or even an actual doctor. Shit - Ray should really take up doing stitches. 

“You’re not in trouble.” Gerard added suddenly. “I promise… We won’t tell anyone, if you just let us help you.” 

She hesitated still, but after a moment, her uneasy hand was presented to Mikey. With the sleeve of Gerard’s jacket, he wrapped it as tight as he dared. It wasn’t a great method by any means, but the best he could do at the moment. “There,” Mikey gave her a little squeeze. “Let’s get you out of here,” He paused. “Can you walk?” 

“I… Think so.” She stood slowly, with Mikey’s aid. He kept his arm around her, just in case. “Where are we going?” 

And it was there that Mikey turned to Gerard for aid. 

“Our room.” Gerard offered. “We have all of our books there and…” He pushed a hand through his hair. “You’ll have to tell us everything, Rachel. You can’t leave anything out. We won’t be able to help you unless you tell us everything.” 

Rachel didn’t seem to like that very much. Her face contorting with uncertainty. “You’re not in trouble.” Mikey reminded her. “We’re going to fix this. I promise.” 

She didn’t say anything more - but she walked in time with Mikey on their way back into the school. Her steps were shaky, and a couple of times, Mikey held her up through a stumble - but she made it all the way back with them. They stopped outside of the door. 

“Our friends might be in there,” Gerard started. “They’re going to help.” He explained. “We all work together, and they’re going to help you too.” 

“Are you okay with that?” Mikey’s voice was just as gentle with her. 

“Do I have a choice?” 

Gerard faltered for a moment - and Mikey took up the position of answering. “Yeah. Of course. If you’d rather stick with me and Gerard… We’d make it work.” Gerard could only nod his agreement. 

But, the option of having a choice seemed to give her enough comfort. “They can help.” She muttered softly. 

Gerard relaxed, opening the door and poking his head in. Evidently, their room was packed, as Mikey could hear Gerard talking to _someone_ before he opened the door fully. Sure enough, Frank, Ray, Brian, and Bob were all sitting around the books. 

“Rachel,” Mikey started, once they were inside. “These are our friends… You got Brian, Bob, Frank, and Ray... Rachel she, she got hurt… Ray, do you think you could help her?” He explained. She brought her hand up to her chest - shaking her head. 

Mikey swallowed. “Rachel… You can’t…” But still - she looked at Ray, and she was terrified. “What if I do it?” He asked. 

She seemed hesitant still, but after a moment, she spoke. “Okay.” 

Mikey looked to Ray, letting out a little breath. “You’ll just have to tell me what to do.” 

“I can do that.” Ray assured, getting up to sort through his kit. Mikey sat with Rachel on the bed, gently unwrapping the bloodied sleeve. At least it had done its job of slowing the blood. It hadn’t completely clotted yet, but it didn’t gush all over the place when Mikey removed the sleeve. 

A moment later, Ray was settling next to him, offering Mikey a paper towel moistened with water from a bottle. “This might hurt.” He warned Rachel, gently cleaning up some of the dried blood from around the wound. She winced from the pressure. “... And this one is going to sting.” He added, as Ray presented him with another cloth - this one wet with peroxide. The peroxide hissed as it hit her skin. 

“Gentle,” Ray warned Mikey gently - watching the movements of his hand as he ever so gently tidied up the wound. The room was eerily quiet. “Okay… We’re going to use this cream. I made it myself.” He was talking to Rachel then, Mikey only realized a moment later. “It’s similar to Neosporin. It’ll help you heal.” 

“I think she needs stitches.” Mikey said suddenly. “Ray, look at it…” 

He pursed his lips. “... We’ll have to deal with this as is…” Ray offered - which wasn't helpful in the slightest. “It’ll be okay for now.” With an unspoken _I think_ floating in the air between them. Mikey didn’t push it further than that, and instead, took the ointment and gently started to spread it over the wound. “You can be generous.” Ray added. 

And Mikey was - layering the cream on gently and thick. “How’s that?” He asked Rachel. 

“It smells good.” She answered. How he hadn’t noticed she was crying was a mystery to him. But his heart went out to her immediately. He fought the urge to hug her again. 

“That’s good.” Ray’s hand was on his shoulder then - giving a little squeeze to stop him. He drew his hand back. 

And then there was the gauze. A bundle of it which Mikey took to wrapping around the cut. “Is that too tight?” 

“Tighter.” Ray and Rachel spoke at once. And Mikey complied - pulling the gauze and pulling the wound shut beneath it. He kept wrapping it around until no hints of red were peeking through. 

He secured the gauze with two metal clips and gave her a pat on the arm. “Is that better?” 

She pulled her wrist to her chest. Cradling it to herself while her other hand wiped her eyes. Mikey shifted - his arm resting around her shoulders. “Thank you.” 

A moment of silence hung in the air. “Do you want to tell us what happened, Rachel?” 

* * *

Gerard had to be straight-forward about it. Because frankly, he wasn’t sure how much time they had. Or what exactly they were dealing with. “You can start at the beginning.” He continued - but his curiosity was lingering too. “Or you can tell us about what you were doing in the garden.” 

“I don’t know.” Her response came faster than he expected. “I… I didn’t… Want to. I just… Did it? I don’t know why… I didn’t have control.” 

_Oh._ Now, that one was an interesting development. Maybe there was a possession at work here. Gerard’s brows raised. “Okay.” He nodded slowly. “Okay… Why don’t you start from the beginning, then?” 

She curled in on herself. Her head tucked down and she seemed unsure of herself. 

“It’s okay.” Gerard could just barely hear Mikey whispering to her. “We’re not going to judge you. We just need to know so we can help.” 

“I didn’t mean to.” She was defensive. “I didn’t mean - I didn’t mean for all of this to happen. For her to get sick, and the other girls… It… It was supposed to just be _dreams._ For her.” Rachel sniffled. “I… I was angry… I wanted her to stay with me, so I wanted her to change her mind.” She curled into Mikey. “It was a spell… That’s… That’s all it started with. A spell to give her a nightmare.” 

“What was the spell?” Ray asked. “What did you use?” 

“I… I don’t know… Marigolds? A fig... Uh… Some of her hair… My blood… It was supposed to be for a dream. Just to give her a nightmare.” 

Gerard’s eyes fell to Ray then. “What do you know about Marigolds and Figs?” 

Ray chewed his lip. “Marigolds are used for dreams. But… I don’t know about the fig. They’re usually used for protection. I don’t know why it would change it to a nightmare.” 

Gerard pursed his lips. He reached for one of his books - flipping through the pages as he continued to speak. “What happened after that?” Gerard asked. 

“I… I kept doing the spell. Every night. It was working, but it was spreading and then it was getting worse and worse, but I couldn’t stop it. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop it. But… I kept going out there. To the garden and … And bleeding. I needed to keep doing it.” Her voice was so shaky. Gerard could see her trembling. “I don’t know what was happening, Father. I don’t know why I couldn’t stop.” 

“Is that all that happened?” Gerard questioned. “You only did one spell over and over and… Bled out in the garden?” 

She nodded. “That’s all.” 

“What were you bleeding on out there?” 

“... The Irises.” 

Again, the heads in the room turned towards Ray for an answer. He shook his head. “I don’t really use Irises for anything… I’m not sure.” He too, got up then, going for a book as well. 

There was a period of silence, no one else quite sure what to do. Mikey was holding onto Rachel, and bless him for that. She looked about ready to fall apart. Gerard kept reading. Tracing the existence of figs back to ancient Israel. The irises were there too. The blood. A jealous sibling. The favour of God for another. How had he missed it before? 

“It’s Cain.” 

“What?” Brian questioned. 

“It’s not… It’s not Lucifer. It’s _Cain._ ” 

“Like… Cain and Abel?” Frank needed to clarify. “How the hell is it _Cain?_ Wasn’t he just like… A dude?” 

“He was the eldest son of Adam and Eve.” Gerard explained - patient, as he dove into his theory. “He was jealous of God’s favour over his brother, Abel. So, he killed him in the fields. The second Abel’s blood hit the earth, Cain was cursed to be unable to reap anything he might plant, and to leave the Garden of Eden to wander alone. He was also cursed to be protected from an early death, leaving him to suffer alone for decades. Some believe there was a physical sign on his skin-”

“The Mark of Cain. Like in Supernatural.” Ray offered up unhelpfully. 

Gerard cleared his throat. “Sorta, yes, but others believe it was a metaphorical marking on his soul.” He took a breath. “I think in spilling your blood, blood shared with your sister, on the figs… You may have called Cain.” 

“W… What?” Her face paled then. Eyes wide with unimaginable surprise. “How… I didn’t… I didn’t summon anyone.” She was defensive again. “It was only for a bad dream.” 

“I know.” Gerard stated softly. “I believe you. I don’t think you did this on purpose but… You kept spilling your blood in the garden. I think that made him stronger. And I think… I think that’s who your sister has been dreaming of. Cain sees her as another Abel. He’s trying to turn her away from the Lord, and he’s latching himself onto you to do it.” 

“How do we make it stop?” It was the natural next question from Rachel - but frankly, Gerard wasn’t sure right away. As far as he knew, there weren't any known cases of Cain acting out this way. He tilted his head. 

“I think we should start with a cleansing.” Gerard suggested. “If the Mark of Cain has been placed on your soul, if we’re able to clean it off, we might be able to break his hold on you.” 

“I’m on it.” Ray was up again immediately, sorting through his kit. “This isn’t an exorcism, exactly… But some similar elements might help, right? … And purification. Bay, Sage, Lavender…” He muttered to himself, sorting through what he had. “Cloves. Definitely need some cloves.” A pause. “This might take awhile.” Ray explained. “You should get her hand fixed up.” 

That was an interesting matter. “We can’t take her to the nurse here.” Mikey pointed out. “... Do you have anywhere you need to be? We might be able to sneak you out to the hospital?” He offered. 

“How are we gonna pay for that?” Of course - Brian was the voice of reason. 

Rachel looked up to him, blinking. “... We have free healthcare.” 

“Oh.” Brian nodded. “Right.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, me and Mikey can take her to the hospital.” 

Bob got up too. “I’ll go too. I don’t think I’ll be much help around here with the books.”

Gerard was hesitant for a moment - looking to Mikey. He couldn’t help but feel uncertain of letting him go after their fight. But, Mikey met his eye, and without words he got the message. _I’m okay. I got Brian and Bob, anyways. Do your thing, Gee._

It was all the assurance Gerard needed. And so, when the four of them shuffled out of the room on their mission to sneak out - he stayed back with Ray and Frank, flipping through books. He excused himself a moment, stepping into the bathroom to remove his shirt. A smear of blood bloomed from the center of his chest. With some wet toilet paper, he cleaned the wound for a better look. It wasn’t deep, but it had stung. He smoothed his fingers over it. It wasn’t bleeding anymore at least. And the blood didn’t show up on the black of his shirt. 

He was going to miss that jacket, though. 

Sighing, he redressed and stepped out of the bathroom. He took a seat on the floor next to Frank. They sat thigh to thigh. Gerard pulled a book into his lap again. 

“I didn’t know Cain could do something like this.” He said it to himself, and indirectly, to Frank as well. 

“You don’t have to know everything.” There was a gentleness to his voice that was missing from the last time him and Frank had spoken. He had almost forgotten the last time they talked, even if it was a handful of hours ago, was them fighting. The double-meaning to the words was clear enough. Mikey had forgiven him, and now, Frank was too. 

“I know. But I _should_ know this.” And Gerard wasn’t going to hear anything else on the matter. This was his job. But then he felt Frank’s hand on his back, right above the waist of his pants and suddenly, Gerard didn’t know a thing other than the heat that came from his palm. His throat felt dry with it. 

“We’re gonna figure it out.” Frank promised. “It’s what we do. We’ve figured out shit more difficult than this, right? We know what it is now. That’s the hard part.” His voice was so quiet - as though he didn’t want Ray to hear a word he was saying. And maybe he didn’t. That wouldn’t surprise Gerard. They so rarely got moments alone together, and when they did Frank always had so much to say. Be it in his words, or his actions. Like where his thumb was so overwhelmingly brushing up and down his spine. He fought against a chill. He fought against his heart wanting to burst. 

It would be easier if he didn’t want Frank so _bad._ If it wasn’t so distracting that Gerard couldn’t even process the words on the pages in front of him. Maybe he was thankful Ray was there. If he wasn’t, he’d only have one reason to not kiss Frank right now. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t ignored that reason before. 

“It’s the easy part now. Getting rid of the guy.” Gerard agreed. He cleared his throat, looking back up towards Ray again. The forced reminder that he was there helped settle the erratic thump of his heart in his chest. “Do you need any help, Ray?” 

Ray nodded. “Uh, yeah. If you wanna take the mortar and pestle, you can start grinding up some cloves for me?” 

It was with a certain reluctance that Gerard pulled himself away from Frank to do just that. 

“What about me, Toro?” Frank asked. 

Ray paused a moment, giving a shrug. “I dunno. Get us coffee?” 

Frank let out a huff. “What? I can help with the… Magic shit. I’m capable.” 

“I know.” Ray sighed. “But I don’t need more hands. I need coffee.” 

Frank grumbled something then - pulling his shoes on before he headed out of the room. “Fuckin’ coffee boy.” He huffed as the door swung shut behind him. 

Ray spoke the second the door closed. “Look, about Mikey…” 

“I know.” Gerard nodded, pressing the dried cloves into dust. “I know. We talked… Frank told me everything.”

Ray was quiet for a minute. “I met Mikey when he was getting better… He was barely clean when he started working at the shop. But… You know, I saw him get better. And then Frank started working there and I saw him become _Mikeyway._ But… I think he was missing you.” There was a slight wave to his voice then. “I don’t think any of us knew he was missing something, but seeing him out here now. With you and Frank and doing what we’re doing… He’s a different guy. In the best way possible. You’re really good for him, Gerard. He needs you.. And I mean… I don’t know you without Mikey… but something tells me you need him too.” 

The words meant more to Gerard than he could express. Stunning him for a moment, and filling him with a warmth and compassion he hadn’t felt before, both from _and_ for Ray. He stopped crushing the cloves, instead, looking up to Ray. “Mikey’s really lucky to have you guys… Taking a chance on him like that, looking out for him… I… I should thank all of you. For keeping him safe when I couldn’t.” For all he knew, Mikey was _alive_ today because of the four of them. They did what Gerard couldn’t have done. He’d be forever grateful for them. “Thank you.” 

Ray’s lips twitched. His expression wasn’t one Gerard knew how to read. He really should work on that. Ray was a great guy. He should know him better than he did. He wanted to know him better than he did. “Don’t mention it. Get back to work, Father.” There was a lighter tone to his voice then - smoothing away from the emotional subject matter, and back to the task at hand. 

And it wasn’t much longer until Frank returned with three coffees for them, in any case. By then, Ray was leaning over a bunsen burner and carefully mixing liquids and dried herbs. A precise science which Gerard knew he’d never understand as easily as Ray was able to. Especially when it came to creating his own works. 

“Do you have any Holy Water, Gerard?” 

Gerard pursed his lips. “... In the van.” 

Frank shrugged. “Well, you’re a priest, man. Can’t you just make some more?” 

Gerard pushed a hand back through his hair. “Do you have salt, Ray? I can see about it.” 

With a nod, he pointed to the kit. He didn’t want to get too far away from the flame - lest they burn the castle down. “Help yourself.” 

It felt wrong to shuffle through Ray’s kit. Even with his permission, but still, Gerard retrieved the box of table salt. Well, it should be good enough. “Frank, do you wanna help me?” He asked. “Grab me some water.” 

“Tap or bottle?” There was a hint of amusement in Frank’s voice with that. 

“... Bottle will be easier.” Gerard concluded, almost laughing at himself with the insinuation. A bottle of Holy Water. Who would’ve thought? He emptied out a portion of the salt into a bowl from Ray’s kit, and sat on the floor with it in front of him. “C’mere.” He motioned for Frank to sit across from him. “Put the bottle down, just beside the salt.” 

Frank followed his lead, sitting cross legged on the other side of the salt and the water. Gerard held his hands out over his knees, reaching to take Frank’s hands. Their fingers slid together with ease. His hands were hot. Frank always ran on the warmer side, as Gerard knew. But feeling his skin on his was a whole new intensity that Frank’s touch over his clothes couldn’t compare to. In the back of his mind, he wondered if the experience of touch was as spiritual to Frank as it was for him. He shifted his grip, his thumb brushing over the Seraphim marked on his skin. Every line of ink drawn onto his flesh was gorgeous - but the Seraphim would always stick out to Gerard. Beautiful and evil all at once. Sort of like Frank himself. 

Frank was quiet. Which would normally be uncharacteristic of him, but when Gerard glanced to his face, his eyes were on their hands, and he understood. But there was a job to do, and he could feel Ray’s eyes burning into him. He took a breath, and began to pray. His words were soft, his eyes falling shut so he couldn’t get too distracted by _looking_ at Frank. The warmth of his hands was enough to keep him floating.  
  
It was a prayer he had done enough times before, and it flowed out of him without much thought. But he kept his mind's eye on God. He thought of Abigail. He thought of Rachel. He thought of Frank. He thought of Mikey. He cycled through the prayer, blessing the water and the salt, before he opened his eyes - pulling his hands back from Franks so he could open the bottle and carefully empty the salt inside of it. Then, he shut it. “This doesn’t feel very Holy,” Gerard muttered, before vigorously shaking the bottle. He set it down, taking Frank’s hands once more for one more prayer - and maybe this one wasn’t completely necessary; but he hadn’t had enough of Frank’s electric touch, and it wasn’t like the water could be _too_ Holy. 

But, once he was satisfied with both his prayer and that he had sufficiently absorbed enough of Frank’s warmth, he let go again to offer the bottle to Ray. “There you go… Should be Holy enough.” 

“Better hope so.” Ray glanced the bottle over, before opening it back up and pouring splash into the jar. He gave it a little stir. “I think it needs to boil a little longer… Chant a little Latin over it and… We’ll see how it goes.” 

“It’ll work. You haven’t failed us yet, Toro.” Frank seemed confident enough in that, lounging back as Ray beckoned Gerard over to help him with the casting. Gerard spoke in time with Ray - carefully enunciating the Latin over the potion. “And now,” Frank continued when they finished. “We wait.” 

And wait they did. Gerard sat on the ground next to Frank, who had decided to tuck his head onto his shoulder. His hair smelled like Ray’s homemade shampoo. It was more comforting than Gerard had imagined it being. He itched to touch Frank again. To feel his fingers locked in with his. And was that a sin? To hold his hand? It didn’t have to mean anything, and maybe it wouldn’t mean anything if Gerard insisted on it hard enough. Ray was laying on the bed behind them. But would he even notice if Gerard curled his fingers in with Franks? Would he even care? 

He needed to touch him. That was the one thing Gerard was absolutely certain of in the moment. He needed to feel that warmth. Mikey was gone - how long did it take to get some girl stitches? Were they okay? Was Mikey _missing_ again? No. No, Brian would’ve called if there was any trouble. They were okay. He could hold Frank’s hand. It wasn’t a crime to hold his hand. 

His skin was so hot, Gerard thought it might burn. His pinky twitching to Frank’s knuckle. His breath caught in his throat. Gerard thought he might explode. He pushed forward. His pinky and his ring finger curling over Frank’s finger. Frank shifted - the slightest press closer into his side. He turned his hand over, inviting Gerard’s hand to slide into his. Their fingers winding together and curling comfortably. 

“Your hands are cold.” Gerard almost didn’t hear him - both because Frank whispered it, and because of the overwhelming noise of the blood rushing past his ears. 

“Yours are hot.” He almost didn’t hear himself when he spoke - his lips barely moving as he breathed out the words. It wasn’t enough, and yet, it was too much. Frank had that annoying effect on him. Too much and not enough all at once. 

Gerard closed his eyes. It was easier to focus on the feel of Frank’s hand if he wasn’t looking at it at the same time. He could feel him all over him. The weight of his head on his shoulder, the softness of his hair where Gerard leaned his cheek. His shoulder pressed above Gerard’s elbow. His thigh right against his. And his hand - every subtle twitch of his fingers. The drag of his thumb over the back of his hand. The faint brush of his breath over his collarbone. _Too much, too much, too much._ Not enough. Never enough. 

He lost track of the time, but it was sometime around three in the afternoon when the door was pressed open - and like he was caught doing something he shouldn’t, he pulled his hand away from Frank’s. 

“How are you feeling, Rachel?” She had a new bandage on her wrist. But, she looked okay otherwise. Mikey was still in one piece too, which made Gerard immediately feel better. 

“It’s sore,” Rachel explained. “But I’ll be okay.” 

Brian cleared his throat. “Mikey had to do this…. You know, his Mikey thing. Charming the doctors and all. They wanted to send her to the psych ward. Surprisingly, a kid coming in with a huge cut on her wrist doesn’t look too good. But… Convinced them it was some unfortunate veggie chopping accident and got her out.” 

“Doctors are hard nuts to crack, surprisingly. Kinda thought they’d be inclined to take on less work, you know?” Mikey shrugged, giving Rachel a pat on the shoulder. “She’s a champ though. No anesthetics.” Frank let out a low whistle of approval. 

“Nice work, kid.” He nodded. “Ready for some more magic?” 

Rachel wrinkled her nose. “... It’s gonna make things better this time, right?” 

Gerard nodded. “That’s the idea. Hopefully, it works.” He picked up the jar, giving it a little swirl. “You sure it’s ready, Ray?” 

“As sure as I can.” Ray scratched the back of his neck. “Rachel, I’m gonna ask you to sit down on the floor there.” He stood up, waiting for her to sit before circling her in four tea-candles. Lighting them each one by one with a mutter of a spell. “Okay, Gerard… Step in there with her. Everyone else, back up.” 

Gerard stepped forward, as the rest of them stepped back. He stood behind Rachel. 

“Alright, Gerard. You’ve done a baptism before, right?” Ray asked. “... Because uh, basically you’re… Gonna do that.” 

Gerard blinked. “Right. Okay.” He took a breath. “Uh, Ray… Give me some oil?” He asked. 

“Oh - uh… Will… Tea Tree Oil work?” He asked. “That’s all I got here.” 

Gerard shrugged. “Yeah, it’ll be okay.” He accepted the oil - placing down the jar for the moment. He cleared his throat. “Rachel Lynwood…” With a dry thumb, he made the sign of the cross on her forehead. “Today, we are re-baptizing you. We are cleansing your soul from the mark that Cain has burned upon you. We are asking for God to forgive you, and to re-birth you free from the blemish on your soul. Lord, we are asking for Your help. We are asking for You to free Your child from Cain’s hold.” He took the oil, anointing her forehead. 

She trembled beneath his touch - her breathing becoming heavy. “It hurts.” Rachel breathed out.  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Gerard saw Mikey take a small step forward. There was a shake to his knees that only Gerard seemed to notice. Gerard took a breath - his hand resting on the crown of Rachel’s head as he recited the Apostles Creed. He could feel her beginning to shake beneath him. 

“Rachel-” It was Mikey interrupting. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”  
  
“Mikey, it hurts.” Her voice was raw - filled with a pain that didn’t match the way she looked. But Gerard couldn’t see her face. He could see Mikey collapsing to his knees. 

“Shit-” Mikey hissed, his hand coming up to his chest. “It burns. Fuck- it fucking _burns._ ” 

“Don’t stop.” Ray instructed - him and Frank on the floor beside Mikey, holding him up. “Finish, Gerard.” 

But he was frozen still, watching Mikey withering - listening to Rachel’s whimpers of pain beneath him. But she stayed still - frozen beneath where his hand held her head. 

“Renounce your sin.” Gerard’s voice was shaky too - uncertain. They were both in pain. Why was _Mikey_ in pain? 

“W-What?” 

“Ask for forgiveness.” Gerard requested. His voice was tight - forced, as he tried to keep himself steady. Mikey shouted in pain. He wanted to help. _He needed to help him._ He told Mikey he wouldn’t leave him alone again. 

“Forg-give me, Lord.” Rachel choked out. She was sobbing then. Mikey yelled again. “... Forgive my s-sins.” 

And then there was the potion - before Gerard could stop himself by thinking. He upturned the jar over her crown - only having just enough sense to tilt head head back so it wouldn’t slide into her eyes. Another smear of oil followed to her forehead, and his hand remained on her crown as he fought his way through the Lord’s prayer. Rachel screamed - bloodcurdling. Mikey curled in on himself entirely, practically convulsing. Gerard squeezed tears from the corners of his eyes.  
  
The candles flashed out. Mikey and Rachel fell silent. The world stopped turning. 

The first person to speak was Sister Edith, banging on the door. “Father Way? Father Way _what is going on in there?_ Are you alright?” 

Brian cleared his throat. “I’ll handle this.” He slipped out of the room. 

Mikey sat up - pushing himself away from Frank and Ray to fight his way to Rachel instead. She was sitting perfectly still. Up on her knees and staring at the ground. “Rachel-” He breathed out. “Rachel, are you okay?” He asked softly. 

She collapsed into him. Her arms curling around his waist as she sobbed into his chest. “It hurt so bad.” She whimpered against him. Slowly, Mikey’s arms curled around her frame. Gerard couldn’t help it, shifting in closer to wrap his arms around them as well - bracketing Rachel between him and his brother. 

“It’s okay. It’s over.” Mikey spoke it with the certainty that only Mikey could have. “It’s over.” The latter was to Gerard. The assurance that whatever was binding them together had broken. The Mark of Cain was gone. 

They waited the night just to be sure. Trusting Rachel enough to let her return to her room, Gerard slept in the same bed as Mikey - just to be sure. _Just to keep him safe._ Mikey didn’t complain.  
  
“Gee?” His voice was soft - sounding as though he was already on the brink of sleep. Gerard was curled behind him. Fingers in a white-knuckle grip of the fabric of his shirt. It was enough to ground him. To make him feel like he could actually protect Mikey. 

“Yeah?” 

There was a moment where Gerard thought Mikey had fallen asleep. A moment where he was so quiet and still, there was no other explanation. But then, he was turning over - practically finding himself nose-to-nose with Gerard. “... Would you pray with me?” 

He sounded embarrassed, maybe even nervous. And Gerard had to let out a little laugh at that. “I thought you’d never ask, Mikey.” He didn’t want to ask why Mikey wanted to pray. He could think of a dozen reasons why his brother would be worried enough to turn directly to prayer for the first time. But if it did anything to comfort him, Gerard would be happy for that. “Anything in particular?” 

Mikey gave a shrug.  
  
Gerard was confident he knew his prayers, and so, with a soft voice he led Mikey through an Our Father, and when Mikey’s eyes showed the slightest hint of desperation, Gerard kept it up. A Hail Mary. An Apostle's Creed. Glory Be. Nicene Creed. Another Hail Mary. Another Our Father. Mikey followed him with every word, with every action. Soft whispers filling the space between them until he closed his eyes. Gerard let his voice fade out.  
  
“Mikey?”  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“... You okay?”  
  
He peeked one eye open - looking wearily at Gerard in his limited vision. “Yeah,” He answered quietly. “For… For the first time, I think I’m _actually_ okay.”  
  
And Gerard clung to that as he drifted off to sleep. Before, he lived in the false belief that Mikey was alright on his own. That he was the one chasing his brother and trying to keep him in his life. How strange it was to shatter that vision - to have Mikey being the one who needed him to keep the pieces together. It was a responsibility Gerard supposed he had always had, and had merely never thought about. In spite of the revelation, he fell asleep easily - comforted by the assurance that Mikey, for the first time, was okay. Only for morning to roll around and for him to gently nudge Mikey awake.  
  


“I’m going to check on Abigail.” 

And Mikey elected to stay in bed - not that Gerard was surprised. But that was okay. Gerard was okay taking the walk to the infirmary alone. He found Abigail just waking up when he walked in - looking more well-rested than he had seen her yet. A small smile tugged up at his lips. “Did I wake you?” 

Abigail shook her head. “No… No, I don’t think so, Father Way.” She stretched out. 

“Did you sleep well?” 

Then, she nodded. “Better than I have in a long time.” The realization hit her slowly, and then, she smiled. “... You fixed it.” 

Gerard returned to his chair, reaching to take her hand. “I think you have a lot to talk about with your sister. But, I also think you shouldn’t hold yourself back from your path. Your path is yours, and hers is hers. They may diverge now, but I’m confident they will meet again.” He cleared his throat. “Just make sure you keep in touch. And trust each other. Tell each other everything.” 

He spoke from experience. 

* * *

It was a rather elaborate lie they spun to the Vatican and to Father Roth - but at least it left nothing to be cleaned up. A simple case of a demonic presence - not possessing the girls, but haunting the building. An accident anyone could’ve made. But they dispelled it, and already, the girls were feeling better. Everything was going to be okay. 

“I still don’t get why Mikey felt all that shit.” Frank grumbled. 

“I don’t either.” Gerard agreed. “But I have a theory.” 

Mikey blinked towards him. “Well? Are you gonna share?” He asked with a little laugh. 

“I asked Abigail… You know, if Rachel’s name… Meant anything. Apparently, her parents thought she was going to be a boy, who they were going to name Raphael.” 

Mikey’s brows rose. “... Like the Archangel.” 

“Exactly,” Gerard hummed. “The Archangel of Apothecaries, Youth, Nightmares, and… Healing.” There was a smugness about him as he came to his conclusion. 

Frank rolled his eyes. “That’s flimsy as shit, man. I think it’s his psychic fuckery.” 

Mikey snorted a little laugh at that. “Hey, maybe it’s a bit of both… I’m just glad that shit is over.” He worked on lazily stuffing his clothes back into his duffle bag. With everything all clear, they were heading back to America and onto the next mission from the Vatican. 

“Before we go… Do you think I have time to stop by the garden? I never really got to pick anything, outside of what I needed for those spells.”

Mikey - who was happy to take any excuse to not pack up his belongings - stood up. “Yeah, I’ll go with you. Gee, you can finish packing, yeah?” 

Gerard glanced to the remains of Mikey’s things, and let out a sigh. “Yeah, I got it. Meet us at the van when you guys are done.” 

“Thanks Mikes.” Ray held the door open for him, leading the way towards the garden. There was no rush about them. 

“You know, it’s kinda nice here.” Mikey confessed. “Almost wish we got to stick around a little bit longer… You know, hang out outside instead of searching through records in some dusty cabin for no reason.” 

Ray shrugged. “It’s part of the job sometimes. But… Yeah, it would’ve been nice to spend some more time in the garden.” He knelt down beside what Mikey now recognized as irises. The image of Rachel’s blood staining the petals made bile rise in his throat. 

“I thought you said you didn’t use it in magic.” Mikey questioned. 

“I don’t… Thought I might give it a try. See what comes of it.” Ray explained - as though it were such a simple science. “You know… Experimentation.” 

Mikey hummed, standing behind Ray. He felt like something of a guard. With his hands in his pockets and his eyes wandering over the branches of the trees. The grounds weren’t so quiet now. He hadn’t noticed how quiet they were before. But things seemed better now. Distantly, he could hear students laughing.  
  
“Hey,” Ray was beside him then. A little nudge pressed to his ribs from Ray’s elbow. “There’s some Angelica.” 

Mikey followed his gaze, letting Ray lead him over there. “Damn. She _is_ hot.” He laughed softly. He leaned down next to the flowers, pressing his nose into the petals to catch a whiff of the scent. Ray chuckled beside him, gathering buds into his jar. “You know,” Mikey hummed. “When we were researching… I found something about the Angelica. Did you know it’s the flower of Michael the Archangel?” 

Ray paused a moment - humming thoughtfully. “No, I didn’t know that. That’s funny.” Ray kept picking at the buds. 

“Yeah… Do you think she’d go out with me? You know, since I’m like, her patron saint and whatever.” 

Ray laughed. The sound rang through Mikey pleasantly. Hell, if he could bottle Ray’s laughter, he would. That would be worth millions. Though, Mikey didn’t think he’d sell it. He’d bottle it and keep it close to his chest for whenever he needed a boost. These days, that was more often than he’d like to admit. 

“Yeah, Mikey. I think she’d go out with you.” 

Back in the van, Mikey found himself squished comfortably between Frank and Bob. A map spread open on their laps as they squinted at the tiny names of roads. “Fuckin’ hate Canada.” Frank grumbled next to him. “When can we go back to Jersey?” 

“If we’re lucky, never.” Brian answered from the driver's seat - not a moment of hesitation behind the response. 

Gerard leaned over from the passenger seat - looking back to shoot a glare to Frank. “Sorry, Cardinal. What was that? … Mount Holly? In New Jersey?”  
  
Frank whooped in his ear. “Oh _fuck_ yes, God! Oh, I owe you a big one, Big Man.” 

“Sh!” Gerard hissed at him - and Mikey had to stifle a laugh. He leaned into Frank, dramatically covering his mouth with his hand. 

“C’mon man, don’t get us kicked off the job.” 

“... Yes, okay. Thank you, Cardinal. I’ll let you know when we get there.” Gerard finished. Mikey let go of Frank’s mouth the second Gerard’s phone clicked shut. Another loud cheer left him. 

“So we’re going back to Jersey?” Frank beamed. 

“South Jersey.” Ray pointed out, leaning over from the very back of the van, where he had taken up all the available space with sorting out his kit. “Not really home.” He pointed out. 

“Jersey is Jersey, Toro. We’re going back!” Frank grinned. “Fuck, I hope we can actually stick around. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss my room at my mom’s, shit.” 

“Yeah man, I think that’s just you.” Mikey grinned, tucking his chin on Frank’s shoulder. “But, it would be nice to see some old friends. I’m getting sick of your ugly mugs.” Mikey teased. 

“Hey, watch it, Michael.” Brian threatened. “I can still fire you.” 

Mikey snorted. “Isn’t God our boss?” 

“He’s _my_ boss.” Gerard pointed out. “But Brian’s still got you, Mikes.” 

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Has anyone ever told you you’re the worst big brother ever?” 

Gerard turned back to meet him again. He knew he was joking - they both knew how to talk to each other like that. And yet, there was that subtext written across his face. That certain - _you aren’t serious, are you?_

_Of course not, Gee._

There was a slight nod from Gerard - a warm grin breaking across his lips. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve mentioned it a half million times.” 

  
  



End file.
